Rest in Peace
James Oliver Rigney Jr.
You fought the good fight,
Finding out was just the absolute perfect top to an incredibly shitty day. Still don't have a vehicle that is safe to drive, so called and canceled the dentist appointment I had for tomorrow. I just can't drive that stupid van, and the man won't get it fixed and I can't pay for it cause I have no freekin' job and no freekin' vehicle to get me back and forth from one if I had one to begin with! And canceling the appointment really bummed me out, so I spent all day crying off and on. I was so looking forward to having a pretty smile, or at least a reasonably decent one.
And my little gifty/card/thingy never arrived in Japan so Nagano-san never got it, nor ever will and I can't make another one like it, no two are ever the same. Besides, it depresses me so much to think about it that I wouldn't be able to work on anything with a clear mind and happy heart. And besides, I wouldn't send him anything that I worked on when I wasn't feeling my absolute best. Wouldn't want to send any bad vibes his way. Made sure I only worked on it while I was feeling really good and happy and full of good thoughts for him. I don't feel that way now. I just feel depressed and sad and crappy and like what's the use. I mean, it wasn't anything spectacular or fine or expensive, just a little silver wire charm I formed and hung on a bit of braided hemp. It was merely the receptacle for the good wishes and admiration I feel for him. Oh well, perhaps the well wishes reached him, even if my gift did not.
I just feel so yucky today. I wish I could go back and start the day all over. Well, maybe not. It might just get worse. I hate crying. Talk about an utter waste of time and effort. It never changes anything and it just makes other people uncomfortable when they find out, or see you doing it. Think I'll just finish up my little chores and go to bed. Maybe tomorrow will be better.