This is the song that I usually start my walk with. If not the first, then somewhere in the beginning of my routine.
Pantera - Walk
From there I may go anywhere from KC & the Sunshine Band and Brothers Johnson and Wild Cherry to Guns and Roses or Dwight Yoakum or Patsy Cline or Janis or Red Hot Chili Peppers, or whatever. Toward the end of my walk when I'm getting tired I usually play this next one:
Pantera - Cowboys From Hell
The drums really help me get to the end. The way the drums and guitar are dueling at the end is terrific. I love it. Always gets me excited. No matter how many times I listen to it.
Having said that... I did not take my walk today. Wimped out. BUT... I told Pete that since Thomas now has all his game stuff upstairs that I'm going to put my treadmill in the front room with my stereo, so I can do my walk anytime I please. Like right now. I could be taking a walk right now, since supper is all done and everyone is winding down for the day and no one needs me for anything. But no... the man has gone to bed and since my treadmill is in the bedroom... you guessed it. I CAN'T TAKE A WALK!!! Really chaps my a$$, to be blunt about it. I want a ME room. A room with a frickin lock on the door! A room where I can go hide away and do my thing, whatever that thing is. Oh well. Putting the treadmill in the front room is a start I suppose. I'll be happy with that.
Must get busy taking pictures of the new cheeses I bought so I can start cutting on them and tasting. I really went wild on my last shopping trip. I got Smoked Gouda, Smoked Cheddar, Smoked Provolone, Australian Cheddar, and a French cheese that is cow and sheep's milk mixed. That Provolone smells so wonderful I can't wait to try it. I think I may break in to it tonight. The thought is making my mouth water. I think I'll go do that now. G'nite all.
You got my shirt tail flyin' all over the place, and the sweat poppin' out on my head...
Okay... I had to do that. One of my favorite Elvis songs. Well, they nearly all are, but... you get my point, right? I was doing the laundry today and it was hot and I was being cheap by opening the windows and not turning on the AC. Sweat started dripping off my nose, and I couldn't stand it. Finally had to put on the AC. While I was standing there with the iron in my hand and the steam rising and the sweat dripping, this song popped into my head. So... in honor of being hot and sweaty and having to maintain an activity that you'd rather not be doing... I thought I would share the song with you. Hope you enjoy it.
Sugar update: it's fine. Been in the normal range for the past week and a half to two weeks. Only today it was 203/176. I think it was the wretched cookies Thomas and I ate yesterday. Damned things didn't even taste that good! Next time I splurge I'll make sure it's something I really, really want.
Damn! Just got off the phone with Tina. She's up in TN. Uncle Charles is still in the hospital and he isn't doing very well. She just got up there this evening and went straight to Nashville to the VA Hospital where he is. He's not getting up and walking like they want him to and he's having complications because of it but he says he's in too much pain to walk, he feels like his guts are going to fall out. That's what Tina said he told the nurse. She said they cut him from right below his breastbone to below his belly button. They had to take out more of his small intestine. He's not able to go because the pain meds are making his insides "sleep" (the doctor's description). They are trying to ease him off the morphine, but it's going slowly. I have no idea when they will be letting him go home. Tina is going to be there for this week then I guess I will be going next week. Or she might take two weeks, she doesn't know if she can. She's had training as a care-giver, I haven't, so if he needs extra special care it would be best if she could be there. I don't know nothing about it except how to dispense meds properly and basic cleaning and bandaging and how to sterilize things... Not looking forward to that part of it, I can tell you. Tina asked me what I was going to do if the cleaning of his wounds and all made me sick. I told her that if it made me sick I would just have to make sure I had a bucket nearby. HA! I mean, what else am I gonna do? He's my uncle. Family. I'm one of the younger members of the family, it's time for me to take a turn at helping out some of the older ones. I haven't ever been a position where I was able to do for others before. Now I am, sort of... my duty, my obligation, my need to be there. I just wish Pete wasn't being such a whineybutt about it. Like as tho if his sister needed him he wouldn't go. Or if his nephew or niece needed him he wouldn't go. I think he would. And if he wouldn't... well, that would just mean that he wasn't the person I thought he was. He would be someone I wouldn't want to associate with, much less be married to.
Anyway... Did mucho ironing today. Trying to get my things in order. I cleaned out my dresser drawers and made a start on my closet. Found things I'd totally forgotten I had. Doing things like that can sometimes be like a little mini-Christmas. It was actually a bit fun. The cleaning out part, not the ironing part...
Frank called this evening and wanted to know when he could get Thomas for a visit. I wanted to tell him never, but didn't. Thomas likes to go down there. He likes to see his half-sisters. Who am I to say he shouldn't? Pete always wants me to argue with Frank and get all worked up and upset. ??? I have never figured that out. When I don't he always fights with me and gets ugly and makes me cry. It's like... like... he figures that if I won't get upset by arguing with Frank that he'll argue with me and make me cry, but BY GOD! I'm going to cry one way or the other. It happens every time. Every single cotton picking time. It has never NOT happened. I don't understand it. From there it escalated to a rant on my poor housekeeping skills, my failure as a mother to teach my child any thing worth while and then ended with the usual litany of: I am a horrible person, I never listen to him, I never make him feel appreciated, that all I do is take and take and take and never give and oh, I don't know what all. The only thing that kept me from feeling like I wanted to kill myself tonight was the injustice of it all. The unfairness of it all. Frankly, he just pissed me off. I was actually too mad to feel suicidal. I guess that's a good thing, eh? He's such a dick. If I didn't love him so much I would be out of here so fast his neck would snap with the velocity of his head spinning. Oh well... no one said life was fair. In fact, I believe I remember my mother telling me that life was not fair and that only stupid people expected it to be. God knows I'm stupid sometimes, but I guess not that stupid.
Anyhow, then after I finally quite crying and got my sinuses back into some what working order is when Tina called. She'd just left the hospital and was making her way back to Smithville. She's going to go back first thing in the morning. More power to her. I wish her luck. Charles will probably make her cry. She's a faucet that never stops flowing, just like me. I hate that I cry so easily, and I know she does to. But she'll have to get stern with him to make him get up and walk and he'll speak harshly to her and she'll cry and he'll get disgusted and then he'll feel guilty and then he'll get up and walk, just like he knew he would before he made her cry!!! Guys. Sheesh! I'm not feeling real favorable toward them at the moment. Guess I'll end it here. Must hit the hay. Have lots of stuff to do tomorrow and every day this week.
I am beautiful no matter what they say Words can't bring me down I am beautiful in every single way Yes, words can't bring me down So don't you bring me down today...
... tomorrow. Well, you can't ever really go home, can you? But you know what I mean. I'm going to Florida tomorrow. Will stay at my aunt Tina's house. Okay, sometimes I call her my sister, cause she's not 4 years older than me and my mom mostly raised her with me and my sister Martie. So... I have two older sisters really. Anyway... we'll stay at Tina's house and Martie will bring her family out to visit. Thought she was going to come with the girls and stay with us the whole weekend, but creep face John (her husband) decided he will come too, so they won't stay the night, just come over both days. That's good enough, I guess. I have problems always wanting more than I can have, or deserve. I try not to, but... I really wanted to spend good time with her and I know with that man around it won't be a good time for her or probably any one else.
Would like to spend more than a couple days down there, maybe hit the beach, hit the Springs, do a little site-seeing, reminiscing... won't have the chance. Will be happy with what I can have and not cry over what I can't have. Feel so nostalgic tonight. Thinking about when we were growing up, the stuff we used to do, the places we would go. Simple stuff, hanging out all night with friends, feeling the breeze, breathing the air, watching the moon and stars, listening to music... good times. Was skinny back then. Skinny, blond with big boobs. HA! Never wanted for a date much back then. That's funny. I look at myself now and wonder where did that girl go? What happened to her? Can I find her again? I would like to. Things keep dragging me down. Side-tracking me. I have to concentrate so hard... Life is funny. You know? I'm sure everyone has heard the saying, "If I knew then what I know now..." Funny, I feel like, "If I knew now what I knew then...". Feel like my mind is drifting away from me, little by little. Maybe all the memories will just disappear one day and I won't know who I am. Maybe I'd be better off.
But I like to remember what the ocean smelled like. What the orange blossoms smelled like. I want to remember that lone palm tree standing out there in the middle of the salt flats surrounded by nothing but sawgrass and dark, brackish water, the sun going down in your eyes, as you drive down Highway 50 toward the beach. Florida was beautiful when I was growing up there. It's not so beautiful now. In fact, to me it's ugly now. The orange groves are gone, the salt flats are mostly gone, the rivers are all silted up or else built up around so you can't see them. The horse farms are gone, the pastures are all covered by houses and strip malls. Progress, eh?
Feel kinda sad tonight. Should be happy, but I'm not. Not really. Life is hard. Love is hard. Sometimes it makes no sense. To me anyway. I remember that I was always a trusting, loving, affectionate person. I loved being around people. I loved pleasing people, making people happy. Then I figured out that people lie. People don't really love you even tho they say they do. People aren't really your friends, they just say they are and then they turn around and hurt you. Just to see you cry. Just because it makes them feel big, superior...
Nazareth - Love Hurts
And it makes me think about all the people I've hurt in my time. Unintentionally, or otherwise. Hurt through just not being there for them. Hurt by doing or saying something utterly selfish and self-centered that brought totally unintended results. It makes me feel shitty. I hate knowing that I've hurt others, but it's happened. I will pay for it. Have already paid for some of the things I've said and done. Will pay more, I'm sure.
This is for you, Bill, where ever you may be, what ever you may be doing... I'm sorry.
So... I guess we will be going to Florida this coming weekend. Spend a couple of days with Tina and Martie and all the kids. Martie and her girls are coming to stay at Tina's with us. I hope she leaves butthead at home. 20 some odd years ain't made me like him any better. And I've tried. God knows I've tried. Just something about the man makes it hard for me to even look at him. Of course, knowing that he's beat my sister up; let her go hungry, homeless, un-loved all these years doesn't help. I know it was her choice. Her choice, her right. Still hurts. Why are men such dickheads? Pardon my language. Her choice, her right. My choice, my right. Right? Who's to say which of us is worse off and which better?
Truth to tell, I was looking forward to going to TN and nursing my uncle Charles after his surgery. Just to get out of this god-damned house. Just to be myself for a little while. I hate it here sometimes. It would have been nice to be somewhere else for a while. Somewhere no one really knows me; where no one has any expectations of me... But I guess that's off now. His surgery got pushed back and now his old flame (drunk arsed ho) is coming to take care of him when he does have the surgery. More power to her. Hope she ain't looking for a big payout cause he's done gone and lost all his money. Poor man is broke now and where are all his good-time, party buddies now? Moved on to someone else who can afford to pay their tab. Well, well... ain't we just a holier-than-thou bitch tonight? Yep. I'll even say, "I told you so." So there.
I feel so small, so wadded up and crumpled. I feel all dingy, and drab, dusty. I wanna go somewhere else, do something different, be someone else. Be the person I was before I cared what other people (he) thought of me. Not even sure I remember who that person was. I know she liked herself much better than I like me. I just want to be clean again. Free and clean.
I know what I am. I am nothing if not flawed. I know I am not a good person. I'm not a "kiddie" person. I am a mother, an aunt, a step-grandmother, but I don't exactly like children. Especially other's people's children. I especially don't like it when other people insist that I pay attention to their child. Every frickin' time I encounter them. If that makes me a bad person, so be it. I already knew that about myself.
I also don't want to push myself in where I am not wanted. And I feel decidedly unwanted at my favorite place to hang out. So... I'll cry for a little while and I'll "lurk" there for a little while, then I'll get over it. I know I am a difficult person to get along with. I am inpatient, selfish, doubtful, stupid a lot of the time, scared, scarred, imperfect. A lot of the time I can't stand myself, why should I expect any one else to like me any better than I do? Oh well, "expect the worst and all surprises will be good ones..." Sucks, tho. I'd like to be able to expect good things every once in a while and see them come to fruition. Sadly, I am an imperfect vessel, unable to live up to other's expectations. Well, imperfect vessels have rights and feeling too. I have just as much right to my feelings as the next person. Flawed as I am, I even have the right to get upset when someone continually shoves her kid down my throat non-stop at my favorite place. Well... so be it. Get over it, move on. finio.
My head hurts, my legs hurt, my sugar won't go down... I want food that tastes good. Food that I didn't have to cook myself. I hate this crap! I hate feeling bad. It makes me cranky and bitchy. I don't even want to be around myself, I can't imagine I'm very good company for any one else. I feel real snarky and snarly. I feel real uncomfortable and like I'm maybe looking for someone to be rude to. I'm not that person. I don't like hurting other people's feelings. I'm non-confrontational in the extreme, but there it is... sometimes I'm just a bitch.
In other news, I called and got an appointment with Dr. Hogue for Tuesday, the 11th. I hope he will adjust my meds or something. I don't, don't, don't want to have to give myself shots of insulin, but I talked to my sister-in-law about it yesterday. She said there wasn't anything to it. She had to do insulin a couple of years ago before she went in for surgery, when they couldn't get her sugar down below 200. She said you can't even feel the shot. But still... the thought of it gives me the creeps. I can't stand the thought of it. I don't know if I could do that. Stick a needle in my stomach, I mean. I can't stand needles. I never watch when I have to get a shot or get blood work or anything like that. Okay, so I'm a sissy. Well... I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam...
Was watching VH1 Classics the other night and they were showing a composite of Marvin Gaye live performances. Wow! I always liked him, but dang! Sometimes you can forget after an artist has been gone for a while, what a wonderful career they had. He had such a marvelous voice. Like an angel, when it suited him to sound like one. And other times he could sound like a down and dirty soul man... no telling what wonders he could have performed if he hadn't been killed. Boggles the mind, really.
So... nothing really happening today. Just waiting around for Pete to get home from work and wondering what I'm gonna fix for supper. Everything just tastes the same anymore. Doesn't seem to matter what spices I use, what ethnic style I cook in, it's all the same. Food is not enjoyable to me at the present time. I can't stand eating on a schedule. Counting all the carbs, sugars, calories, etc. Having diabetes sure takes all the fun out of it. Sucks, sucks, sucks... and I feel a little 2 year old temper tantrum coming on. I want to jump up and down and stomp my feet and throw things. I want someone to come and kiss the booboo and make it all better and it ain't gonna happen and I hate knowing that. I hate knowing that this is how I'm going to be for the rest of my life. It ain't ever going away.
Okay, that's enough self-pity for one day. I'm gonna quit now. See you guys later.
is that it sometimes takes me a long time to decide that I'm actually gonna read them. See... I "splurged" and got myself the next two books in that David Drake series I've been reading on, "The Lord of the Isles". They've been sitting up on my book shelf with the rest of the series for about a month now. Maybe longer. And I just can't make myself read them right now. I mean, when I purchased them I wanted to read them really bad. I'd been holding off on buying them until the prices came down on the used ones. So, I've been waiting to read the next one in line for a couple of years. And I have enjoyed the other books in the series. But still, I can't make myself pick one of them up and get started on it. I was wondering to myself, why do I do that? I once bought a book and kept it for over a year before I read it. Now that I think about it, I have a Katherine Kurtz book on my shelf with all the other Deryni books that I've had for about 3 years now and I still haven't read it. I've picked it up a few times and thumbed through it, but I just can't make myself read it. Maybe cause I subconsciously know that it's the very last book in that series and that there won't ever be another one; so I don't want it to end. I picked up my very first Deryni book many years ago. They were already old by then. (can't be helped, I went many years without sitting down and reading a book. Heck, I went many years without being able to purchase books and without the wherewithal to get to the public library, so... I missed a lot of stuff) Anyway... the first few she wrote were kinda juvenile and I picked them up at the used book store as a "light" read. Actually, the book store was kinda small back then and didn't have much in the way of sci-fi/fantasy at the time, but I digress... As she went along with the story, the characters became more full-fleshed, the plots more convoluted, more thought provoking. As far as I know she hasn't written another in the series and I don't know if she plans to. It seems to me that she's gone just about as far with this story as she can. So... maybe I'm simply holding on to this book, knowing it's the last. If I don't read it, it won't ever be over??? Silly, huh?
Before I sign off for the evening, here's another noteworthy "hunky" man:
Will Smith
Phenomenal actor. Pretty much anything he puts his name on turns to pure gold. So many of his movies become instant classics. "Independence Day", "Men in Black", so many fine movies for one artist to put his name on... And tho I'm not a big rap/hip hop fan, I confess that I like much of his work as a musician, too. Like "Getting Jiggy Wit It", and "Switch", and "Wild Wild West"... The man is just brilliant. Who would have thought all those years ago when he was rhyming and rapping and acting in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, that he would turn into a box-office legend. HA! His current film is "I Am Legend". How do you like that? And he is. He's also mighty fine to look at. He has the most engaging smile. You can't help but smile with him. I also like that slightly acerbic sense of humor that can suddenly shift into the realm of silliness, without a warning. He's got a body that just won't quit; and that mocha complexion is so smooth and sexy. You've also got to respect his business acumen and his dedication to his family. Doesn't matter if your white, black, brown, red, or yellow... if you're a woman, and you're not gay, you have got to appreciate what Will Smith has to offer.
So, that's about it for now. Think I may go turn in for the night. See ya later.
I think I forgot to finish the story of how I grew up. I ran out of steam on it, I guess. I don't have the emotional energy to do anything on it today, either. It's hard, I hate remembering that crap. It hurts. I've heard it can be good therapy, me? I'd rather just take a pill and forget it, right now. Hearing from my step-dad the other day didn't help any either. Just brought up stuff that's better left dead and buried. Pete told Dr. Hogue that I haven't been to see that shrink that he referred me to after that little "episode" I had when I messed up my pills. I know what was wrong with me then. I don't need to talk to a stranger about my problems. Dr. Hogue seems to think I do. I don't see what the big deal is. Doesn't everyone have feelings of inadequacy, sometimes? Doesn't everyone feel afraid or stupid or incompetent on occasion? Doesn't every one feel a little suicidal every once in a while? That's life. You deal with it and move on, right?
So... here's some more "hunky" guys. These guys are pretty note worthy I think.
The first is Colin Farrell, a beautiful, Irish "tough guy" actor. I like him. He's just like a regular guy. A macho regular guy, but regular nevertheless. I think he'd be a great person to just hang out with, have a few drinks, get a buzz on. He strikes me as the kind of guy who gets funny when he's buzzed. He also strikes me as the kind of guy with plenty of stamina. His movies tend to be a bit too gory or too tense for me, but in the interviews I've seen him in, he seems interesting, like he has a good sense of humor. I saw him in that Alexander movie, too. The man is just fine. Mind you, I'm not saying I'd like to be "bests friends" with him, but a night out? Sure. I could do that.
Number two for tonight is Josh Bernstein, ex-host of Digging for the Truth on the History Channel. That was a great show. Until Josh quit hosting and they got that "Semper Fi" gung-ho guy to host. I just didn't like him. And besides, he didn't strike me as the kind that really knew what he was talking about. And the show became less about the science and the history and more about snakes and death and human sacrifice and stuff. Like history for the Jerry Springer set. Stupid. Josh is smart. But he doesn't talk down to you. Thank God he's got stuff in the works for Discovery Channel. I have hopes that he'll be back on TV soon. I miss him. He's very handsome, but in a sort of "boy next door" way. That is if the boy next door was an archaeologist and a survival expert/trainer, and spoke about fifty different languages (a complete exaggeration, but you get the point, right?). And oh yeah, if the house next door that said boy lived in was a yurt. Anyway... I admire this guy, and I think he's sexy as hell. I'd like to meet him, talk to him, go exploring with him... The dude lives in a freaking yurt, for God's sake! How can you not be impressed with that???
So... been watching the news a bit. This whole brouhaha about McCain is just stupid. And the one about Obama is stupider (yes, I'm aware that isn't a word, but it describes the situation perfectly). And the media just keeps trying to stir a stink and the odor just isn't there. They keep trying to report on this election cycle like they've reported on the last ones for forever. And it just ain't happening. There is no therethere, to use one of Olbermann's favorite quotes. They keep wanting to turn it into a Springer show and there aren't any in-bred, trailer trash, who's my baby's Daddy, hoochie mommas to throw into the ring. I know, I know, sex sells, the truth doesn't.
... "one pill makes you larger. And one pill makes you small. And the ones that Mother gives you don't do anything at all. Go ask Alice..." something... I don't remember what.
Think I'll go ask her if I can have the one that makes me go to sleep. See you guys later.
What a weird thing to happen to me today. I was on the phone talking to Pete around 1pm today and another call came thru. The caller ID said it was a 478 number and I didn't recognize it so I just ignored it and didn't answer. Then after I got off the phone with Pete, out of curiosity I looked the number up. Switchboard couldn't give me a name but said it was a Macon, GA number. Well, my step-dad lives in Macon so I called the number to see if it was him or his girlfriend. Low and behold! It was him. I haven't spoken to him in nearly two years. We saw him quite frequently right after my mom passed away and then he got himself a girlfriend (which I was happy about, he was too young to sit over there missing Mama and not doing anything else) and he quit coming around and then quit calling. We went like 4 years without hearing from him and then his little sister told him when I was so sick back in 2004 and in the hospital and he called then to check on me. And then about two years ago we got together in Macon so he could give me some of Mama's old pictures (which didn't belong to him anyway, not morally.) Anyway... it was a strange conversation. I don't know how I feel about him. I mean, they were married for over 20 years before Mom died. He's just about the only thing that even comes close to being a "father figure" to me. But he's so weird. I've never understood him. I'm angry with him for not being a grandfather to Thomas. I mean, he was so close to Thomas when Mom was alive. He was a regular grandpa, then he decided he didn't want to have a family anymore and just disappeared. It hurt Thomas back then. He was only 6-7 years old at the time. He didn't understand and I couldn't explain it to him. I never understood it myself. All Thomas knew was that he'd lost his grandmother and then all of a sudden his grandpa didn't love him anymore or want to be around him anymore. That made me really mad. And he kept all of mom's family heirlooms. Stuff from her side of the family that he had no right to keep. He threw away all her books and stuff rather than let me have them. I don't know why. All the kitchen stuff, antiques, jewelry. Stuff that he knew mom wanted me to have. I hate to sound greedy, but he KNEW what Mom wanted done with her stuff and he didn't do it! That pisses me off. Mom trusted him and he let her down. But I still love him. I worry about him. I want him to be happy. I just want my mother's stuff and then he can go his merry way for all I care. There are things that I know Mom wanted the girls to have. Wanted Martie to have. Wanted Tina and Martha and her brothers to have. And he didn't do it. He didn't keep his promise to Mom and that hurts.
So... it was a strange phone call. I still don't quite know what he wanted even tho we spoke for half an hour. Who knows??? Certainly not I. Maybe he will call again one of these years and I can ask him.
So, our economy is in the crapper and our august members of congress, in their infinite wisdom, are spending hours and days and thousands (if not millions) of our tax dollars grilling baseball players about their steroid use! That makes so much sense to me. NOT! Why are they bothering with this crap when so much more important stuff needs to be done? If baseball players indulged in illegal drugs, let the civil authorities handle it. Why do they get a big ol hearing before congress? The rest of the drug dealers and drug users in this country just get a little time in front of the local magistrate. If anything. What makes baseball players anymore important than Joe Pothead off the street? The shit that's going on in this country is just mind boggling. The media uses words like 'disconnect' and 'out of touch' and 'misguided'... but what does that really mean? What does it really mean when our way of life, our survival, is at risk and they just go along playing their silly little games (like that stupid staged walk out of the Repukelicans today over the FISA bill). And history talks bad about Nero for fiddling while Rome burned. Puh-leeze! People we have a whole Congress full of Neros and they are all getting paid more than most of the people who 'elected' them, and they are all fiddling while the rest of us burn. And no one seems to care. Everyone just keeps on going to their jobs, keeps on paying their taxes, keeps on spending every little bit of money they have, keeps on worrying about ignorant shit that don't amount to a hill of beans and they don't say anything about what our government is doing!!! How stupid have we become as a society? The federal government has been working for decades to turn us all into sheep who will follow along blindly and never question our elected officials, and that's what we've become. It's so sad.
And I use that term "elected" officials very loosely. If anyone bothers to learn about the way the people in our government get the jobs they hold, they will swiftly come to realize that "We The People" don't "elect" anyone. Elections are all smoke and mirrors. Tricks to make us believe we have a voice. A street magicians sleight of hand to keep us looking at one hand while they pick our pockets with the other. It's all just a paliative to keep us in line.
Well, that's my rant for the day. If I keep on, I may bust a vein. See you later.
In honor of this upcoming St. Valentine's Day, and because a discussion on my favorite site got me to thinking... I'm going to list some of the men I have had or still have a super huge "crush" on with the reasons why I think they are so sexy. Not listing Nagano-san in this one cause everyone already knows how I feel about him and why I think he's sexy. I couldn't decide which order to put them in so I opted for alphabetical order. So don't think that the first one on the list is my personal number one. I could not place them any special order if I wanted to. Each has his own special appeal. They are all number 1's in my book: (If you'd like, you can click on their names for more information)
Clint Bowyer Occupation: NASCAR Sprint Cup Racecar Driver I call him "My little Marlboro Man". Don't ask me why. He just looks like he could play the part. I'm a big NASCAR fan so I took an interest in Clint Bowyer as soon as he came on the scene. Anyone who gets a ride at Richard Childress Racing is worth taking a long look at. In the beginning, my interest was only because he was a new guy coming up and I always watch the new guys to see who will make it and who won't. Clint was pretty good right out of the box. It didn't take him long to be one of the broadcaster's favorite interviews. That's when I first saw his fierce blue-gray eyes. He has such a piercing gaze, like a hawk. And the most mischevious grin you've ever seen. I also like that sexy little swagger he has in his stroll. He's certainly not a "metrosexual". He's rugged and manly looking. I like that about him. At 28, he's actually a little young for me. I usually like my men to have a little age on them. It might be fun to teach him a thing or two, though. Then again, he might just teach me something new. Either way, it would be interesting.
Four Star General, US Army, retired NATO Supreme Allied Commander - Europe 2004 Democratic Presidential Candidate
This guy is just yummy. In my opinion they just don't get any sexier than Wes Clark. Scholar, Warrior, Leader... who doesn't find that irresistable? He's so intelligent, so stalwart, so honorable... It's almost intimidating to think of him in a physical way. Actually, when I first became a supporter back in 2003, I didn't think of him in "that way" at all. I mean, I noticed he was handsome, who wouldn't, but I didn't really dwell on it. It wasn't the most important thing about him. I was overwhelmed by his superior intellect and his common sense. Then I had a dream about him in which we were intensely intimate. You have to understand that I don't usually remember my dreams, but this one was so extremely vivid, it actually woke me up. I can now say that I can imagine quite clearly what General Clark tastes like. Long story short (sort of), I've had the hots for him ever since. The man literally makes my mouth water. He has deep, dark hazel eyes. He looks somewhat mysterious. I like those pointy eye teeth, too. I bet his nibbles feel really nice. He is remarkably fit for a man of 63, but what else would you expect of a man who spent 34 years in the military? He has strong looking hands and he looks ever so fine in uniform with all his awards and medals on his chest.
When the first Star Wars movie came out I was an eleven year old, pre-teen girl. I recall that everyone was going ga-ga over Mark Hamill, the guy who played Luke Skywalker. Being the strange little girl that I was, I was completely turned off by "nice guy" Luke. The guy that made my little heart go pitter-patter was Han, played by a virtual unknown by the name of Harrison Ford. See, I told you guys I always liked older men. Han was just the coolest, the sexiest, the manliest thing I'd ever seen. I loved that sense of danger coupled with sensitivity and humor, that the character portrayed. Many of the rolls he has played since are, at heart, still that way. At 65, he is getting on in years, I guess, but he's still sexy in that strange, not quite handsome way, that he's always been. I dare say he will be until the day he dies. He has never been the "classic" leading man. The characters he protrays are gritty, witty, wise, self-centered, soft-hearted, funny, flamboyant, conniving, manipulating... and he pulls it all off with pinache. His face has "character". It's a strong face, a good face. He looks like the kind of man you can depend on. I like his rugged features and the sparkle in his eyes. And his hair looks so soft. I'd love to run my fingers through his hair. And his mouth... with a mouth like that he's bound to be a good kisser...
John Frusciante Guitarist for The Red Hot Chili Peppers Singer - Songwriter
What can I say about this guy? I think he definitely looks better with long hair. He's crazy sexy with long hair. And he's so talented. The way he plays guitar, it's like he's all alone in his own little world... just him and his guitar, making love... I think it would be nice to go there with him. I imagine he is a tender, considerate lover. With lots of hidden passion. Being with him would be satisfying on many different levels, I think. I like the way he moves when he's playing. He's so abandoned, his movements are so free, and his face is inward-looking. Like he's completely lost in what he's doing, feeling and enjoying each sensation. I imagine he would be like that during sex.
Jeff Hammond NASCAR Commentator - Championship Winning Crew Chief
This guy has the most vivid blue-green eyes. When the camera gets him at a good angle it will flat take your breath away. He's just awesomely sexy. I keep having this fantasy of snuggling up in his lap (te-he-he, giggle, giggle). I like the way he looks coming and going. They showed him on TV a couple of years ago, demonstrating how a pit crew works. He was playing the part of the tire changer. When he knelt down to change that tire and the camera got a good shot of that ass! Oh Lord! He is just fine, fine, fine. Looking at this man makes me hungry. And I'd love to take a bite. He's smart, funny, successful, looks good in jeans and a t-shirt, looks good in a tux. Actually, scratch that. Jeff Hammond looks delicious in a tux. Like a wonderful present just waiting to be unwrapped. At 51, he's a little bit heavier than he used to be when he was working on cars instead of running his mouth for a living, but he's still super sexy. He's a little thicker around the middle than he used to be, but then again... so am I. And hey, it's nice to have something to hold on to when its cold. And he's still muscular. He may be heavier, but he's still firm, not flabby. I'd love to run my hands over every inch of that hard body of his. The thought of that makes my heart beat faster, for sure.
Ah God! This man has such a brilliant mind! At the age of 61 he is not "buff", he's not athletic. I suspect that he never has been. But none of that matters, because his mind is what makes him so sexy. I think it must be something instinctual. When a woman encounters a man who is so obviously, Earth-shatteringly intelligent, her body has to just naturally feel the urge to procreate. I mean, you would instinctively want to pass those genes down to your offspring, right? Not that I want any more kids, one is quite enough for me, thank you. But you know what I mean, right? How could any woman not want her kids to be that smart? And the fact that it doesn't exactly hurt to look at him is a plus. A nice plus, but a plus nevertheless. It isn't a nessessity. I look at him and I imagine that in another place and time he would hold the place of tribal leader, or shaman. A person of strong beliefs, keen intelligence, and sensativity. I believe that Dr. Kaku is a very sensual man in his heart. No one could have such a feeling for the natural world and not be a sensual, sexy, ardent lover.
Dana Milbank Washington Post Political Reporter - MSNBC Political Analyst - Author
Perhaps not the man your average woman would fantasize about, but then... I'm not your "average woman". Never have been. I usually need to feel some amount of respect for a man in order to feel attracted to him. Dana Milbank is such a man. I have a tremendous amount of respect for his abilities as a reporter, a commentator, a writer, an observer of the world. He has the ability to understand what people are really saying and convey that to us, Joe and Josephine Q. Public, without talking down to us. He has an especially wry sense of humor, though he can sometimes show a sillier side, witness the picture above. Since he is always impeccably dressed it's really hard to tell what sort of shape he really has, but I love his hands. They look strong. As a political junkie, it helps that he seems to "lean my way". I can usually agree with most everything he says. I must say that goes a long way toward making him attractive to me. I think he'd be comfortable to snuggle with. And he has a sensual mouth. I think he'd be a great kisser. The way he has his collar loosened in the picture on the left makes me think that he'd be a lot of fun if you could get behind that "oh so proper" demeanor. I also love the way he kind of quirks his eyebrow and half-smiles when he hears someone say something he doesn't neccessarily agree with. Like I said, if he ever loosens up more than his collar, I bet he's as fun and physical as any woman could wish.
Keith Olbermann Host of cable news netork MSNBC's "Countdown with Keith Olbermann"
I am obsessed with Keith Olbermann. I don't always agree with everything he says, but his rapier wit and his raw emotion when he goes on his rants is just mind blowing. You have to respect that kind of passion. He's actually not all that attractive to me, physically. I love his sense of humor. I admire his wit, his knowledge. I respect his ability to put his emotions out there for everyone to see. I suspect that he'd be a real pain to have to live with, so thank God I don't fantasize about that. So what do I fantasize about him for if I don't find him attractive? Well... I guess the fact that he's so tall, so big, and he dresses well, makes him a little attractive. And it's not like he's ugly or anything. I can't ever figure out if he's wearing a toupe or not. I'm pretty sure he is, but that shouldn't matter given who is next on my little list, but... it is kind of off putting. Nevertheless, I admire him so much on an intellectual level that I do find him quite sexy, without feeling the least bit of physical attraction for him. It's purely cerebral. Not that I'm unfamilar with that concept or with feeling like this. I had such an intense intellectual crush on my 10th grade Ancient History professor. The man had a mind like I'd never encountered before. I think I was half in love with him, but that's an entirely different story... I'm not sure I'd want to "go to bed" with Keith Olbermann even if I got the chance. I think it would be purely orgasmic to just sit and talk with him. Perhaps even to just sit and listen while he did all the talking. Come to think of it, that scenario would probably get him off just fine, too. HA!
The man is just sizzlin' hot for 67 years of age. Even bald the man is sexy. Actually, I can't imagine him with hair. Yes, I know he's worn hair in some of his rolls. But I can't imagine him with real hair, his own hair. He must have had some at some point in his life. But I like him just fine like he is. He's got great legs, wonderful hands, a very expressive face. The thought of rubbing that bald pate gives me the shivers. It seems like such an intimate act to perform with this man. Almost like rubbing that "other" bald pate. Not to be too vulgar about it, but I'd just like to have down and dirty sweaty screaming wild sex with the man. Yes, yes, yes... I admire his acting. His ability to play any character, any scene, any genre, and make it believeable, is just awesome. But my first and continuing reaction to this guy has always been sheer lust. This is one of the rare ones that I don't think I would even have to feel respect for, although I do. But even if I didn't, I would still want to do the wild thang with him. Sometimes you just have that reaction to some people. Hey, I'm not here to analize, I'm just saying what is.
Tony Stewart Race Car Driver - Track Owner - Philanthropist
Oh Lord! This man is just awesomely sexy. I love the "danger" aspect of what he is. He doesn't just drive racecars for a living. It's what and who he is. All he wants to do is drive fast and win. Being someone who is afraid of practically everything, I admire his lack of fear in anything. I love his plain spoken ways, the way he just tells you whats on his mind. He doesn't fool around and he doesn't seem concerned that his sponsor might not like what he says. If a member of the media asks him a stupid or repetative question, he tells them what he thinks of it. If someone gets in his way when he's mad, he'll walk right over or through them. If the NASCAR officials do something that he thinks isn't right, he tells everybody. He's not the least bit "politically correct". And if he sees a child in need, he tries to help. He's donated millions of dollars to children's charities over the years. He's also donated, if not millions, then hundreds of thousands, to the foundation to help older racecar drivers. The ones who paved the way for all those in racing today and who didn't get paid for it. He has actually paid the medical bills for some of them himself. I love the way he is a tough guy and also a big softie at heart. He always tries to do the right thing as he sees it. And he doesn't care that not everyone sees the right thing the same way he does. He throws tantrums like a two year old, and stands up and takes it on the chin like a man. He has his own complicated code of honor and he adheres to it absolutely. He's a winner, a champion in every mode of racing he's ever competed in. He has a great smile, and I confess to a deep desire to bite him on the lower lip. The right side, specifically. Yes, he's a little bit pudgy, but that's just more to love. And I'd love to get my arms around the man. I like the way he's letting his hair grow out longer this year. It's a nice look for him. I'm also fascinated by how fast his facial hair grows. If he's smooth shaven at the start of the race and the race goes over long, he has more than 5 o'clock shadow when its over with. I love the scruffy look on him anyway. He looks great with that almost beard he goes around in all the time. It just makes him look sexier. And I love the way his chest hairs kind of peek out of the top of his shirt sometimes. I'd really like to feel that, run my fingers through it... He's also got the most beautiful, most mishcevious brown eyes. They sparkle and shine when he's pulling a prank or telling a joke. They flash with anger when he's riled up. And they look so deep and soulful when he's talking about something that really means a lot to him, like his children's charities. I also like the way that he respects the older drivers. That's just a part of what makes him so sexy. I love his desire and his drive to be the best. I'd like to find out if that also applies to his efforts in the sack.
I think I'm going to wrap this list up now. There are more fellows out there that get my motor running. But this post is becoming rather ridiculously long. Perhaps they will pop up another time.
... but no Democrats. I guess they are ceding Georgia to the Republicans again this time around. Of course, I haven't had to listen to any Romney calls either, which is a good thing. I think if I had to hear his voice coming out of my phone directly into my ear I would have to gouge my eardrum out.
I suppose you guys can guess what my previous statement refers to. Its the campaign robo-calls. So far I've gotten 4 recorded John McCain calls, one recorded Cindy McCain, two recorded Mike Huckasleeze calls and my hubby got one John McCain. One of my John McCains was even an opinion poll kind of call. But not one Democrat has bothered to call me and ask for my vote. That kinda pisses me off. Of course, the person who used to have my phone number before I did, may have been a Republican donor or something. Who knows...
I have seen a couple Obama commercials and 3-4 Hillarys. Neither of them seems to be working too hard to convince Georgians to vote for them. Course, we are just hicksville down here. And it is true that Georgia, like our neighbor S. Carolina, is a Republican stronghold. But I think they would get more voters than they think if they would just bother to campaign here, bother to ask us for our vote. I'm feeling pretty disenfranchised by the DNC right now. I feel like they ignore us. They have no sympathy for the plight of Democrats in Georgia. Of course, they disenfranchised the voters in Florida and Michigan this year, too. Who would have thought that would happen? Like they think they can win the White House without winning Florida?! What idiots. Still trying to play the same old games and don't even realize that the moment is passing them by. Has already passed them by for all I can tell. I certainly don't think of myself as an establishment Democrat. I am an Independent who votes Democrat so as not to waste my vote.
Anyway... just thought I would give out the tally. Show you all how much these candidates want my vote, ha! I will be going to vote after Pete comes home from work. I hate having to wait that long. But I don't have any choice. Besides... we always go as a family when we vote. Then it's back home to watch the returns. I think it's very exciting. I can't wait to cast my vote. I know I will be on pins and needles while watching the returns come in. This is almost as exciting as the general will be.
See you guys later. I may come back and blog some as the results are coming in.
I grew up listening to country music, bluegrass, gospel. When I was very small, the only rock and roll I new was Elvis. Only, I was too young to know it was rock and roll. When I was about 5 or 6 I branched out into rock and pop, but there were elements of country music that I liked all the way through my childhood, teen years and on into middle age. The following (in no particular order) are some of the artists I grew up listening to, singing along with, liking...
Merle Haggard That's The Way Love Goes Always a classic. There are very few Merle Haggard songs that I don't like. His voice speaks directly to my heart. I think its incredibly expressive... soulful... beauty filled and pain wracked. This clip does not actually show Merle, but the recording is what I am used to with this song. Now then Miss Pam, you wanna talk about sexy??? Merle Haggard has always been a very sexy man. (but then, I like that slightly imperfect, a little rough around the edges, look in a man.) Besides, it wouldn't matter what he looked like, I hear that voice and I just melt into a puddle.
Dolly Parton Jolene My mother hated this song. I suppose she had cause, since it's about a woman begging another woman not to take her man. I can't imagine my mother ever begging like that. But I guess some women do. I love this song, not for the subject matter, but for the arrangment. The lyrics are so fluid, the guitar sounds wistful yet almost playful at the same time. And Dolly has the most beautiful voice of any female artist I've ever heard (tho Jesse Colter and Emmylou Harris come close).
Willie Nelson Always On My Mind There are not too many songs that Willie does that aren't good. Such an awesome talent. From "Red Headed Stranger" to "Stardust" to "Maria Shut Up and Kiss Me", it's all good. Sometimes his personal life got more headlines than his artistry, but one day... when he's gone... we are all going to be sorry. Willie Nelson, along with Waylon Jennings, and Hank Williams, Jr. is a huge part of the soundtrack to my life.
Waylon Jennings A Good Hearted Woman The late, great Waylon Jennings. My uncle Donnie's most favorite artist. He even named his son after him, Justin Waylon. The man did so much for country music. Besides being a great singer and performer, he was a phenominal song writer in his own right. I think in his pairings with his wife, Jesse Colter, and with Willie Nelson (who is one of the all time greatest song writers), his ability as a writer was somewhat over-shadowed by the talents of the other two.
Hank Williams, Jr. Family Tradition One of the all time greatest get drunk, get in a huddle and sing at the top of your lungs, songs. I admit I have done that a time or two in my life. I can proudly proclaim that I know every word, and the phrasing thereof, to this song. Hank Williams, Jr. is just a good time, party like there's no tomorrow, spend your rent money on one more round, kinda singer. I know he's played every arena and stadium in America to tens of thousands of cheering fans, but his music is best suited to a barroom. And I do mean a bar. The kind with a jukebox in the corner, and sawdust on the floor. The kind of place where they have to move the tables around to make room to dance. Anyway... he's an American icon, and not because of that stupid damned "Monday Night Football" ditty.
David Allan Coe You Never Even Called Me By My Name "The perfect country and western song". If the man had never done another song in his life, this one would put him right up there with the others on this list. One of my favorite songs to sing at the top of my lungs whether drunk or sober. It's just that good. I have never Karaoke'd in my life, but I think I could do this one in front of any number of strangers. It's just so fun to sing.
Freddy Fender Wasted Days & Wasted Nights One of the all-time greatest Country Music Classics. My uncle Buddy used to make his wife so mad by calling him, "Freddy Fender the Taco Bender", whatever that's supposed to mean. I loved Freddy Fender when I was growing up. This is probably his most well known song, along with "Before the Next Teardrop Falls", but the man had an incredible voice and did many enjoyable songs.
So I was thinking about music today and just for fun, I decided to post some of my favorite music for a change. I'm not saying they are my most favorite songs or artists in the world, and they aren't in any particular order, but here they are, some of the favorites that just came to me "off the top of my head" so to speak. Enjoy:
Rush Tom Sawyer Geddy Lee has one of the most wonderful rock n roll voices going. He's skinny, lanky and you could chop wood with that blade-like nose. And still, he's sexy. Go figure. They play on the off-beat. They have such an asymetrical sound. I like it. This song is perhaps one of the best examples of their "off-beat" style.
Nazareth Hair of the Dog What a great driving song! I don't mean the beat is "driving", the song is great to drive the car to. But it makes you drive faster than you probably should. This video is obviously lip-synched, but... that was "standard procedure" back in those days when a band appeared on a TV variety show.
Bad English When I see You Smile My ode to Makoto Nagano because I love his smile. I don't know what it is about the man, but he is just plain beautiful to me. I have this whole big fantasy in my head about what he's like, what it would be like to meet him, ect., ect. And tho I know it is a fantasy and I'll never meet him and he probably isn't anything like I imagine him to be, his smile is still inspiring to me. When I watch Sasuke while I'm doing my walks or my exercises, I can do more, walk faster, feel stronger, when I see his smile. Don't ask me what it means, I couldn't tell you. It just is what it is.
Sniff n the Tears Driver's Seat One of my all time favorite songs, EVER. I never get tired of this song. It is so sexy. It gives me chills. And it makes me feel... alive. Listening to it in the car can also result in speeding fines if you aren't careful. It's a special favorite of mine during my walks. The singer does not look anything like what his voice would lead you to believe he should look like. He's so cool in this video, tho. All the other guys are there sort of twitching, shaking their shoulders or making some movement and he's just... um... there. With that voice, he doesn't have to do anything else, tho. It's kinda hoarse, kinda husky, with a slight undertone of screechiness. I like it. This song also makes me want to bang on something. I'd love to learn how to play the drums.
Peter Frampton I'm In You Quite possibly the sexiest, most beautiful man God ever placed on this Earth. I have been in love with this artist since I was 8 years old. Before "Frampton Comes Alive", before he went "Hollywood", before he lost everything and had to work as a "studio musician" to make ends meet, before David Bowie took pity on him and asked him to tour with him as a member of his band! He was beautiful when he was young and had all that wonderful blonde hair. He's beautiful now, when he's old and doesn't have hardly any hair left at all. He's just beautiful. He was my first serious "crush" and he's still the only fellow who could ever make me forget that either of us is married. I'd give almost anything to be able to see him perform, just once, before one or the other of us dies.
That's about it for now, folks. Thanks for playing along.
Warning! Political Content Ahead!!!(scroll down for the "gossip")
Watched the Democratic debate just now. You all knew I would. It was pretty interesting. Hillary and Obama were both on their best behavior. They talked about the issues and even when they split hairs they did it gently. Since they mostly agree, point for point, with one another, it is rather difficult for them to make a distinction one from the other without fabricating or taking things out of context. Since the more I listen to them the more I realize that there isn't a pennyweights difference between them as far as their policies go; my vote is still going to Hillary. I mean, if you can't tell the difference between them by reading their position papers, then... what have you got to go on? What is the deciding factor? What do you base your decision on? Since I have to make a choice, and since I basically like them both and think that either of them would make a good President... my deciding factor is just going to have to be gender. That's the only real difference between the two. One is a woman and one is a man. True, one is white and one is black (well, a nice, toasty brown color, anyway). But since I am essentially color blind when it comes to choosing the right person to do a job, that difference doesn't matter to me. So... do something really different: vote for a woman. We've always had male Presidents. Let's do something really wild and wonderful. Let's elect a woman and see what kind of screw ups she can make. I bet they would be really different from the screw ups men make. At least it would be interesting, eh?
I also watchedsome of the after debate analysis from the so called "experts". Not two minutes into the after debate show and they were already misquoting the candidates, taking their comments out of context, leaving things out, miss-characterising them... I think the media are just really stumped on this one. A black man and a woman. They tried to get the race issue onto the front burner and failed. They tried to get the gender issue on the front burner and failed. They tried to get the "they really don't like each other" issue going and that didn't pan out for them either. Just this morning they were all saying that the campaigns had gone too far and caused a schism in the Democratic party. There was too much animosity between the two camps for them to ever come together enough to beat a Republican. This morning all the major news outlets had basically written the Democrats off. The Repugnicant mouth-pieces were practically licking their chops with glee. "The Democrats have lost the White House for themselves". "The Republican candidate, whomever he may be, is going to be the winner in November". I saw one actually giggling and wringing his hands in anticipation! He looked like a cartoon character. And now Obama and Clinton have held what has to have been the single most civil debate in the history of debates. Even when Barack "got tough" on Hillary, he was almost diffident about it, almost apologetic! And she was the same when calling him on something. The last question was something about would either of them consider joining the other on the Democratic ticket in the VP slot. Of course neither would say "yes" but then, neither would say "no" either. It would be an unbeatable ticket, I think. I'm not sure either likes the other well enough have him or her as first choice for a running mate, but it would be a historical event for our nation. Historical and hysterical. I'd like to see the Republican nominee try to run against that. How would they without mentioning race and gender. How would anyone want to vote for the same tired old men that the Republicans have put forth when they could vote for an exciting ticket like Obama/Clinton or Clinton/Obama. They'd have to run against the good times of the Clinton years and the vigor and newness of Obama. I don't think they could beat that.
Herstory Chapter II
Let's see... we left off in Chapter I as Mama, my sister and I arrived in Florida. I was two and a half years old. Needless to say, I don't remember everything and the things I do remember are mostly impressions and feelings with a "dreamlike" quality about them. I remember living in a little bitty camper trailer beside my Granny's house. It had a gas oven. That scared me. I never could figure out why until just now. Wow. I wonder why it never struck me before. I knew that Mama was scared of the oil heater in the house we lived in later, but it never hit me until just now, writing this... I was scared of that oven because Mama was scared of it. All those years ago and I barely remember it except the feeling of fear, and now I know why. I suppose that's why I'm afraid of gas appliances to this day. I can deal with a gas stove, but I would not bake at all if all I had was a gas oven.
Another thing I remember about that camper trailer was the bedroom. It was such a tiny little trailer. There was a living room/kitchen/dining area in the front; then there was a tiny little room with a potty in it. No tub or shower. We had to go to my Granny's house to wash up. There was a closet sort of a thing opposite the potty room and then a sleeping area. Since that was all the space we had, Mama had all the stuff she could get from Tennessee in there with all our clothes and toys and stuff. (How did she get all that stuff if we left Tennessee with nothing but the clothes on our backs, you ask? Because my uncle Buddy, my mom's oldest brother, drove up to Keith's house and told him he would break him into little bitty pieces if he didn't hand it over. That's how. I learned that much later.) Anyway, the point of remembering that little bitty sleeping area (I won't dignify it by calling it a "bedroom") is this: we didn't live in it for long, but it was winter when we did. And it was cold. I know, I know, it was Florida. Well, it gets cold down there, too, once or twice a winter. Even 40's and 50's feel cold if you don't have any heat. Anyway... there was all this stuff in there and Mom's clothes and our stuff. And there were two dressers stacked one on top of the other and I was always afraid they would topple over on us while we slept. Our bed, mine and my sisters, was a little folding cot underneath the hanging clothes kinda behind the dressers. And when we got cold we would lay with our heads at opposite ends of the cot and put our feet and legs inside each others nightgowns and overlap our gowns for added warmth. Don't laugh, it works. When it got really, really cold, like below freezing, we would go sleep at Granny's house. Lots of times we slept there anyway because Mama worked nights at Deep South Foods. She worked days at GE and sometimes she would also work at the packing house, packing carrots and radishes and what not for transport to the stores. I don't know how she found the time or the energy to go to nursing school. But she did. And she sang a lot, though she couldnt carry a tune to save her life. The whole family sang. We all sang in the church choir. We sang while we played. We sat around the tv and sang with the musicians on Hee Haw (I liked Roy Clark better than Buck Owens). We'd hang out on the front porch of my Granny's house and sing (I Saw the Light and Jesus is Coming Soon, being two of our favorites, along with the Elvis stuff, of course). Sometimes we would have a fish fry in the back yard and one of the boys (my uncles) would drive the car around to the back and turn on the radio. If there wasn't a race on we would listen to music. Country mostly, but also a little rock n roll, if one of the boys was in control of the tuner.
I have some idea, now, of how hard it must have been for my mother. Keith didn't pay child support and Mama worked all the time, and after my Papaw got sick and after he died, she tried to help her mother out. My Granny still had three minor children at home when Papaw died. Tina, Donnie (my favorite uncle to this day) and Charles. But we had fun. We were too young to realize just how poor we were. And anyway, we lived in a little community out in the sticks (back then it was) and everyone around us was just as poor as we were, if not more so. My uncle Donnie taught me to play cards. Crazy 8's, Go Fish, Rummy... all those kinds of "age appropriate" card games. He also taught me how to write my name before I ever started school. He was my hero. The father figure I never had, I suppose, although he was just a few years older than me. He and Charles had the responsibility of watching us girls after school and boy did they hate it! But they were good to us nevertheless.
Shortly after that first winter back in Florida, my uncle Buddy helped my mom buy a regular sized trailer house. A 14x74. It had a big living room, a eat in kitchen that was big enough to have a real table. It had a long hallway with a small bedroom first, then a full bath, and at the very end of the trailer was a bigger bedroom. Me and my sister got the big bedroom cause you could fit two twin beds in it. We still mostly slept in one together, tho. Did that until we were teens and each had our own room.
I think that I will wrap this chapter up here. Chapter three will deal with going to school, my first crush, and Mama's marriage to Wendell Weiss. It's late and I think I want to sleep now.
