Thursday, March 6, 2008

And Sometimes I'm Just A Bitch

My head hurts, my legs hurt, my sugar won't go down... I want food that tastes good. Food that I didn't have to cook myself. I hate this crap! I hate feeling bad. It makes me cranky and bitchy. I don't even want to be around myself, I can't imagine I'm very good company for any one else. I feel real snarky and snarly. I feel real uncomfortable and like I'm maybe looking for someone to be rude to. I'm not that person. I don't like hurting other people's feelings. I'm non-confrontational in the extreme, but there it is... sometimes I'm just a bitch.

In other news, I called and got an appointment with Dr. Hogue for Tuesday, the 11th. I hope he will adjust my meds or something. I don't, don't, don't want to have to give myself shots of insulin, but I talked to my sister-in-law about it yesterday. She said there wasn't anything to it. She had to do insulin a couple of years ago before she went in for surgery, when they couldn't get her sugar down below 200. She said you can't even feel the shot. But still... the thought of it gives me the creeps. I can't stand the thought of it. I don't know if I could do that. Stick a needle in my stomach, I mean. I can't stand needles. I never watch when I have to get a shot or get blood work or anything like that. Okay, so I'm a sissy. Well... I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam...

Was watching VH1 Classics the other night and they were showing a composite of Marvin Gaye live performances. Wow! I always liked him, but dang! Sometimes you can forget after an artist has been gone for a while, what a wonderful career they had. He had such a marvelous voice. Like an angel, when it suited him to sound like one. And other times he could sound like a down and dirty soul man... no telling what wonders he could have performed if he hadn't been killed. Boggles the mind, really.

So... nothing really happening today. Just waiting around for Pete to get home from work and wondering what I'm gonna fix for supper. Everything just tastes the same anymore. Doesn't seem to matter what spices I use, what ethnic style I cook in, it's all the same. Food is not enjoyable to me at the present time. I can't stand eating on a schedule. Counting all the carbs, sugars, calories, etc. Having diabetes sure takes all the fun out of it. Sucks, sucks, sucks... and I feel a little 2 year old temper tantrum coming on. I want to jump up and down and stomp my feet and throw things. I want someone to come and kiss the booboo and make it all better and it ain't gonna happen and I hate knowing that. I hate knowing that this is how I'm going to be for the rest of my life. It ain't ever going away.

Okay, that's enough self-pity for one day. I'm gonna quit now. See you guys later.


pamwax said...

Let your son give you the shots. I am sur my kids would like to stick it to me for all the times I let some doctor stick it to them.

You know the shot my give you the energy you need right now to do your workouts and after you get into fighting shape you might not need them any more.

Jeannie said...

I count everything too, and I don't even have diabetes. You are right- it does suck.

And I'm a sissy too when it comes to needles. Unless I'm laying down, I faint. I even fainted once when my mom was getting the shot!

If you are doing all you can to manage your health, then I'm afraid it might be time for insulin injections. I know it will be hard, but in the long run, dealing with a tiny needle is nothing in comparison to dealing with the lifetime of problems that diabetes can cause.

I'm so sorry that diabetes is one more struggle that you must face. You are a very strong and courageous woman and I have no doubt that you will soon gain control over this disease.

Arsenette said...

I wish there was something I could do to comfort you. I go through temper tantrums (and sometimes don't feel better when I do vent). Do know we still love you and hope to be of some support. You always have us here to listen to ya! You already know I do my tantrums as well :D

Hang in there! We're rooting for you!

Some Kinda Wonderful said...

Thanks guys. I'm so glad I have your support. I know I sound like a petulant little brat when I bemoan my fate. I hate that, too. I know there are people out there lots worse off than me. But dang...
You guys really help a lot.

Arsenette said...

I think being able to vent is therapy onto itself. I know I'm happy to have found you guys. When I call people or should I say when people call me I need to vent but can hear it in their voice they don't want to hear it. So it's nice being able to just aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah here. We're here for ya.