I know what I am. I am nothing if not flawed. I know I am not a good person. I'm not a "kiddie" person. I am a mother, an aunt, a step-grandmother, but I don't exactly like children. Especially other's people's children. I especially don't like it when other people insist that I pay attention to their child. Every frickin' time I encounter them. If that makes me a bad person, so be it. I already knew that about myself.
I also don't want to push myself in where I am not wanted. And I feel decidedly unwanted at my favorite place to hang out. So... I'll cry for a little while and I'll "lurk" there for a little while, then I'll get over it. I know I am a difficult person to get along with. I am inpatient, selfish, doubtful, stupid a lot of the time, scared, scarred, imperfect. A lot of the time I can't stand myself, why should I expect any one else to like me any better than I do? Oh well, "expect the worst and all surprises will be good ones..." Sucks, tho. I'd like to be able to expect good things every once in a while and see them come to fruition. Sadly, I am an imperfect vessel, unable to live up to other's expectations. Well, imperfect vessels have rights and feeling too. I have just as much right to my feelings as the next person. Flawed as I am, I even have the right to get upset when someone continually shoves her kid down my throat non-stop at my favorite place. Well... so be it. Get over it, move on. finio.
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Mr. Mike found this post. We read it after I sent my long email to you. It doesn't change anything I wrote, but I thought I'd let you know.
Take care of yourself. I'm just an email away if you want to talk. At least we both agree that we don't like telephones!
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