So... I guess we will be going to Florida this coming weekend. Spend a couple of days with Tina and Martie and all the kids. Martie and her girls are coming to stay at Tina's with us. I hope she leaves butthead at home. 20 some odd years ain't made me like him any better. And I've tried. God knows I've tried. Just something about the man makes it hard for me to even look at him. Of course, knowing that he's beat my sister up; let her go hungry, homeless, un-loved all these years doesn't help. I know it was her choice. Her choice, her right. Still hurts. Why are men such dickheads? Pardon my language. Her choice, her right. My choice, my right. Right? Who's to say which of us is worse off and which better?
Truth to tell, I was looking forward to going to TN and nursing my uncle Charles after his surgery. Just to get out of this god-damned house. Just to be myself for a little while. I hate it here sometimes. It would have been nice to be somewhere else for a while. Somewhere no one really knows me; where no one has any expectations of me... But I guess that's off now. His surgery got pushed back and now his old flame (drunk arsed ho) is coming to take care of him when he does have the surgery. More power to her. Hope she ain't looking for a big payout cause he's done gone and lost all his money. Poor man is broke now and where are all his good-time, party buddies now? Moved on to someone else who can afford to pay their tab. Well, well... ain't we just a holier-than-thou bitch tonight? Yep. I'll even say, "I told you so." So there.
I feel so small, so wadded up and crumpled. I feel all dingy, and drab, dusty. I wanna go somewhere else, do something different, be someone else. Be the person I was before I cared what other people (he) thought of me. Not even sure I remember who that person was. I know she liked herself much better than I like me. I just want to be clean again. Free and clean.