Only Two More Days

until my beautiful son comes home.



That is, if dumb ass actually brings him home on time, this time. Don't know why I'm getting my hopes up. He hasn't yet, in over 10 years, done what he's supposed to in that regard. But... hope springs eternal, eh? 6 weeks is entirely enough to be without my boy. I don't sleep right, I don't eat properly, I'm depressed, agitated... nothing is right while he's down there. And worse, I am always terrified that that monster will kill him for his money, while he's got him in his control. I wish I could get over that feeling, but it's so strong every time I have to send my baby to him. I know what kind of person he is. He would do it and never think twice.


Anyway... I can't wait until he is home. Then the world is brighter, the way it should be. Went shopping today and bought the stuff for his 'welcome home' dinner. He wants fried chicken and chocolate cake with cherry frosting. That part sounds disgusting to me, but oh well. I always scrape all the frosting off my cake anyway. I don't like it. So... if he wants cherry, cherry he'll get. And if I don't over-indulge on the chicken, I should be okay. I've been pretty good, this week. But damn! I do make excellent fried chicken, if I do say so myself. And I do love it so... will just have to be strong.

I just always get so anxious when it gets close to time for him to be home. Worrying about whether dickhead will bring him home, or wait until the day he's supposed to be here and then call me and say he ain't bringing him home until the next week. That's one of his favorite stunts to pull. Or wait until the day and then call and tell me that if I want him I'll have to come get him. Or lately, this has been the most used thing: he tells Thomas that they've got something really fun planned but they can't do it until the week or the month after Thomas is supposed to be home, then Thomas, of course, wants to do it too, so he asks me if he can stay until then, and I say yes. Then... something always comes up and they end up not doing whatever it was that was promised. It's just bull-shit.

Why do men have to be so stupid and mean and uncaring and just, just, awful? I would have been perfectly fine with being on friendly terms with the asshole and his bitch-woman, really, I would have. Tried time after time after we first got divorced. But he has always, right from the get go, been horrible. Doesn't pay his child-support, bad mouths me and Pete to my son, never abides by the court orders, etc., etc. Anyway... enough of that. It just gets me down to think about it. But I worry...

Hope all goes well, this time.