Friday, December 28, 2007

Mothers-in-Law, Aunts, & Sisters

Well, got a call from NM last night. It seems that my 86 year old Mother-in-Law over-indulged on the dried fruits she received as a Christmas gift and has slipped into a diabetic coma. At the time my sister-in-law called (around 1:30am EST) the doctors were giving her only a few minutes to live. When Pete spoke to his niece about 10:00am EST this morning, his mother was still alive but still in a coma. It's sad. Her husband died 5 years ago and she has been miserable ever since. She suffers from dementia and... although my sister-in-law does take care of her as best she can, handles all her affairs for her and makes sure the nursing home does what it should, Sara is still pretty mean spoken to her. I don't understand Pete or his family's attitude toward the woman. She has always seemed pretty nice to me. They always honor their father, who was an asshole, as far as I could tell, but they are always so disrespectful to their mother. I like her. I feel sorry for her. Her husband always babied her and took such care of her, and when he died, no one cared about her. It's like Sara and Pete don't have any care for the poor woman's feelings. It's really strange to me. Sara waited hours, until the doctor said she was near death, before she even called Pete to let him know! And Pete just acted like that was normal procedure. If it had been my family, everyone would have been called asap and everyone who could would have gathered. To be near the loved one who was dying and to be near everyone else for support and comfort. Pete's family isn't like that at all. It's really kind of gruesome and cold-hearted to me. I hate to say this about the man I love and his family, whom I also love, but it's almost like they are just waiting for the old woman to die. I feel like they just want her to get it over with and get out of the way so they can go ahead and get their portion of the inheritance. Maybe that's not really the way it is, but that's the way I feel. When I think of their coldness to their mother these last few years, I get the picture in my mind of vultures hovering in dead, moss-hung branches. Brrrrr! Quite chilling, actually.

I used to speak to Fissy (Lucille) quite a bit before the dementia got so bad. I would call her at least once a week because Pete wouldn't. We talked about cooking, Southern traditions, family remembrances, etc. I even tried to keep in touch after she got bad off, but she usually didn't know who I was. I'm saddened that I didn't have more time to get to know her, find out what was important to her. I wish I had taken the time to learn more about her, her history, her dreams... What was her favorite food? Her favorite color? If she ever told me, I've forgotten. But I do remember her wonderful smile. The last time I saw her was Christmas 2006. She was so happy to see her son (my husband) and me and Lori (her niece) made over her and she had such a big smile on her face. So innocent and childlike. I will always remember her that way.

On another, happier, note. My Aunt Tina called me to say that my sister and her husband actually came over to her house yesterday for a visit. The first time they've seen each other since my mother passed away back in January 2000. Tina said she invited them to come back for New Year's Day and eat with them. Tina has to work New Year's Eve night, but she will be home New Year's Day. I got an email from Martie (my sister) this morning confirming that she and her husband and the girls are going there New Year's Day. I'm so glad. Words cannot express how relieved, happy, ecstatic, over-whelmed, etc., I am about this. I was getting pretty tired of having to split my time between the two of them every time I went to Florida. It was always so uncomfortable when I'd go there and visit my sister, then have to tell her that I was leaving her house to go visit Tina. But I couldn't ignore Tina just to please Martie. Tina is my family, too. A very important part of my family. Now we'll be three again, like we were before Martie got that bee in her bonnet. Still don't know what her problem has been all these years, and I don't really want to know. The important thing is she is apparently willing to reconcile with Tina and that's ALL that matters to me. I really wish I could be there with them, but it's probably better for them to re-connect without any extraneous interference (and let's be truthful here, if I was there, I would probably try to interfere, head off any trouble before it got started, that sort of thing).

So... that's the bad and the good all in one go. There's so much more to talk about: Bhutto; Pakistan; "Prosperity" preachers (and the stupid sheep they prey upon); the Iowa Caucus (which is less than one week away); so much stuff... but Thomas is about to go bonkers cause the Fedex website says his Xbox 360 console is "out for delivery", which means it could be here any moment now, and he's practically bouncing off the walls, which is making it very hard to concentrate, so I'm giving up and calling this one done.

Take care All!


nutz4nagano said...

Holly, how sad it was for me to read about your mother-in-law, Fissy (Lucille). What a lovely looking woman. It pains me to hear that she does not get the love and respect she so deserves at her age. No one should grow old without those things. We will all be at that door someday, and just like Fissy, we hope and pray that our families will be there for us to guide us and make that final step less frightening to take.
I was happy, however, to hear that your sister and aunt have finally agreed to meet with one another. Lets hope everything works out for the better.
Lets also hope the coming New Year brings good health and happiness to you and all your family members. Take care.

pamwax said...

I am so sorry to hear about your Mother-in-law. Getting old is such a bummer. It is hard sometimes to be part of a family, hurt feelings etc. But I have found forgive and forget is a much better way to go. We only get one family and one chance to be with them.

I am just down the road if you all need to go to NM. I will be here if you need me.

Some Kinda Wonderful said...

Thanks, you guys. It is so wonderful to have friends like you.
I just took the call from Lori, Fissy passed away at approximately 9pm EST. I am relieved for her sake. She missed Al so terribly and was so child-like there at the end. I don't think she understood what was happening to her or why she was in that home and not her own house, etc.
Don't know what else is going to happen or if Pete can go there or not. He isn't supposed to miss any of his treatments, so I'll have to call his doctor and lay it before him and see what we can do.

pamwax said...

Holly please pass my condolences to your husband. My thoughts are with you.

nutz4nagano said...

Holly, how sad to hear about your mother-in-law passing last night. I would like to join with Pam and offer you and your family my heartfelt condolences.