SHE WON!!! SHE WON!!!

Thank you Nagano-san, you have made a difference in the lives of so many.

(That's all I'm going to say on that subject. With the sinus trouble I've had for the past week, I don't need to be crying.)

I sort of watched the coverage of the Iowa caucus. I have to confess that I don't really remember much of it. I had a bad prescription drug reaction that evening. When you couple that with my sugar being too high for too long and harsh words with my husband (who didn't at all understand what was going on and how bad off I was)... why, by the time I was done with crying and trying to kill myself, the night was nearly over. I can joke about it now, but while it was happening it wasn't funny in the least. I kissed my son and hugged him, told him I loved him and walked off down the street. I still don't know if I would have actually taken that last step, if Pete hadn't come after me, but it was in my mind that there was absolutely nothing to live for. I felt such pain and confusion... It was awful. I hope to never go thru that again.

Now, before you all start to think I'm a real flake...

SHE WON!!! SHE WON!!! WOO HOO! YIPPEE! HURRAH! Billary, I mean, Hillary Clinton is the projected winner of the New Hampshire primary! I'm so happy. Jeez, I must really be a Clinton supporter in my heart, eh? I mean, I like Obama. I like his wife, she's really smart, nearly as good on the stump as her husband. I was planning to blog about my impressions of all the candidates, and I might still do that, but this is HUGE! Every pundit, every media personality in the world has been talking all day about how Obama had this all sewn up. That Hillary had to win New Hampshire or she was out of it and that Obama was polling so high that she couldn't win, so it was all over for her already. And now she's won! She's won! She's won! (yes, I am doing a classic Saturday Night Live/Dana Carvey/Church Lady 'Superior' dance in honor of her victory) Who knew I felt that strongly about Hillary Clinton? Oh foo-ey! You guys probably really think I'm a flake now, eh?

As I was saying... I was going to give a big dissertation on all the remaining candidates. I had planned to say something about how if you thought you didn't like Barrack Obama and you were certain that you wouldn't vote for him, you'd better not watch his stump speech. He is very good on the stump, very inspiring. And his wife is too. She's so personable, smart, witty, cute, a 'real' person. She seems more like a regular person you can relate to than he does. His personality is just too large for me to get my mind around. I can't explain it any better than that. He speaks in such large, grandiose terms. He does embody hope, encouragement, confidence. But, perhaps as his wife says, I am too cynical to believe. Anyway... I know I've said it before on this blog but I'm always leery of following the herd. So many times the herd ends up stampeding off a very high cliff. I like Obama, as I've said, but I'm not jumping off a cliff for anyone for any reason (at least as long as I don't get ahold of any bad drugs). After having listened to him more closely I'm more likely to be able to support him whole-heartedly if he gets the nomination, but I was already pretty sure of that.

I'm still not quite sure if Hillary will do the job she knows she has to do, or will she break the other way just because she doesn't want to do what everyone says Bill would do in any given situation; will she do something wrong just because Bill advises her to do one thing and she wants to prove she can do things her own way. Know what I mean?

Anyway... after all this soul searching, debate watching, researching of the candidates, I've finally reached a conclusion. When the primary comes I am going to go into my polling place, proudly ask for a Democratic ballot and I'm going to vote for Hillary Clinton. Not because I'm sure she can or will do the job. Not because she's Bill Clinton's wife. Not because I think she's the best candidate, yadda yadda yadda... I'm going to vote for Hillary Clinton because she is a woman. It's that simple. Perhaps that's being shallow, or silly or whatever, but when it comes right down to it, what's to stop me? Can she do a worse job than that chimp-face we've got right now? Puh-leeze. Kucinich could do a better job than him. Hell, Gravel might be able to do a better job than Mr. Walks-like-a-baby-with-a-full-diaper.

So that's the long and the short of it. I didn't come to this conclusion until just now, but that's what I'm going to do. Who knows when or if I will get another opportunity to vote for a woman for President? A woman who is a bonafide, certified viable candidate for President, anyway.

All I'm going to say about the Repugnicants tonight is this: have they even talked to a real person lately?! I watched them on the ABC debate after Iowa, and they just sounded like the same old debates they've been having for all of my life. They didn't sound excited, they didn't sound hopeful. They sounded blah, ho-hum, dull... and they look so plastic. (See my previous post on evil news puppets.) That Willard "Mitt" Romney is so plastic, I bet he'd melt if he stood too close to the heater vent. I like John McCain, I respect him, but... he's 71 years old! No, no, no! I don't mean it like that! You all know my husband is 25 years older than me. It's just that, this is the office of President! It's too risky, too chancy that we will be stuck with whomever he chooses as his running mate then we'll have a President that we didn't actually elect. Who (besides me) ever stops to think whether or not the person our candidate chooses for a running mate is a person we would vote for for the office? John McCain is just too risky because of his age. Sorry, but there it is. That's how I feel. The job is just too important. Besides, I just will not vote for a Republican for any major elected office ever again in this lifetime. I won't, won't, won't! Never say never, but still... I just don't see myself ever doing it, and that's just because of the job that evil monkey has done over the last 7 years.

Well, it's late and I'm tired and sleepy, so I'll say G'nite for now. Perhaps I will break down my opinion of the rest of the candidates tomorrow. Perhaps, perhaps not. My sister-in-law told Pete while he was in Las Cruces that she wants to come for a visit next month. I'm delighted. I love Sara. She's a wonderful person, but... she has a professional maid who comes and cleans her house twice a week. I don't have a maid, professional or otherwise, and I hate cleaning house. My house isn't filthy, but it's packed to the rafters with stuff. I have dust-bunnies under my bed and behind the couch, etc., etc. And I don't want to feel embarrassed. So Thomas and I will begin some intensive house cleaning. Pete's friend Lee is also talking about coming for a visit. Again, I'm delighted. I like Lee, and even if I didn't, he's Pete's oldest friend, how could I not make him welcome?

So... nite, nite, sleep tight, Everybody,
hh

Thoughts on Nagano-San

Was chatting over at Konpira's fabulous site today, and someone, (you know who you are) said that she was "a little old for Nagano-san". And it got me to thinking... (honestly, I do that sometimes) I'm "a little old" for Nagano-san, or rather, he's a little too young for me, or ought to be. I've never, ever, ever been attracted to younger men. Heck, I'm only now getting old enough that men my age are attractive to me. I just don't like boys. Not that way, anyway, never have. I don't mean I can't recognize a handsome young man when I see one, they just don't tempt me. Really, I can't think of one single guy who was younger than me that I ever wanted to take a tumble with.

So, I was thinking about why Nagano-san is so attractive to me. It's true that I do find him quite beautiful, but that wasn't what first caught my eye. The very first thing that made me want to take a closer look at him was the way he moved. His grace and agility, his strength and power were what first captured my attention. I remember thinking at the time that the way he moved was so unique, so lovely. He is smooth as silk when he moves, almost elegant. The way he uses his powerful muscles is, is... well it isn't obnoxious. He doesn't flaunt his power, it just is.

Then I started actually watching the show [Sasuke, Ninja Warrior] and saw more of him. I realized that his face was indeed as attractive as his body. Seldom do you see a person so well proportioned, so perfectly formed, so beautiful. When I look at him in a coldly logical light, I can see that he is aesthetically pleasing; his profile, the lines on his face when he smiles, the crinkles at the corners of his eyes; the hollow at the base of his neck, his collar bones; the curve of his muscular shoulder; the beautiful, bronze color of his skin... it all makes up a pleasing whole. When I look at him I always think of a bronze statue of an ancient God; all powerful, yet benevolent, with laughing eyes behind a stern demeanor. And when he smiles, in truth, it's very like a gift from the Gods. He has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. And those lips, oh my God! He has such a sensuous mouth. Those lips were just made for being nibbled. I'm not kidding. I think I could spend hours just tasting those lips. Well, okay, not just his lips, but I could linger a long time there, for sure. Then there's those shoulders... I would just love to trace my fingertips across his shoulders, down his arms to the palms of his hands. Don't even get me started on his chest or his abs (which definitely need nibbling as much as his lips do). I am not going to get x-rated, here.

But after saying all that, that's still not all of what makes him so very attractive to me. I have seen other men whom I found attractive, men who have tempted me. But none of them ever affected me the way Nagano-san has. No other man has ever inspired me to get back into shape, to seriously work at becoming a healthier person, a happier person. No other man has ever helped me the way Nagano-san has, unaware of it tho he is. He is a heroic figure to me, though not intimidating. I think a big part of it is that he is someone I can feel respect for. He's a celebrity, it's true, a famous person, not just in his native country, but world over! But he still gets up and goes to work like a real man. And what a 'manly' job it is, too. Captain of a sea-going vessel, one of a small fleet of commercial fishing vessels. And he looks so competent. He looks like he is capable of changing a light bulb or a flat tire. He looks like a man who wouldn't stop to think twice about defending his lady's honor (yes, I mean, punching out some one's lights, if necessary). But he's not obnoxiously macho like some men are. He also seems like he could be understanding without being effeminate.

So, lets see... strong, graceful, beautiful, respectable, hard-working, competent, capable, sensitive, not obnoxiously macho, sexy. What else could a woman possibly want in a man? Of course, I could be completely wrong about him. I don't think so, but it's possible. I don't know him personally, nor do I know anyone who does. For all I know for certain, he could be a cold, mean, drunken lout. Well, okay, not drunken, given his physicality, but cold and mean? He could be. Given his smile, and the line of his jaw and the look in his eyes, I doubt it, sincerely, but I do not know. According to those who have supposedly met him, he is indeed, humble, sincere, hard-working, modest, determined, friendly, helpful, and so on and so forth. But the person we heard that from works for a company in who's interest it is to keep us enthralled with him. For all I know she could have made the whole thing up as she went along. I don't think she did, but I do not know.

My conclusions, after all my thinking and soul-searching? I don't know, specifically, what makes him so irresistibly attractive to me. He just is. It's the totality of him; his face, his form, what I know of his personality... He seems almost too good to be true. He must have some faults. Perhaps he snores loudly? Perhaps he has bad table manners? According to what we've heard he said about himself, he is no great intellect, but he can't be completely stupid if he captains a ship. And besides, no one would ever accuse me of being the smartest woman in the world, either, so why would I complain if he's not a rocket scientist? But he's short. I don't like short men! But I don't care. He's still sexy as hell and I'd still like to... whatever...

So... I guess my time spent thinking about and searching for a reason why I find myself so obsessed with Nagano-San, was not time well-spent. Or, at least, it wasn't very productive. Oh well, it was Sunday, and I didn't have anything better to do.

Well, that's just all of a piece, isn't it?

My favorite author died today after a long illness. He was just 58. He was also at least two books away from finishing the series I've been reading and re-reading since about 1990-91.

Rest in Peace

James Oliver Rigney Jr.

aka

Robert Jordan

You fought the good fight,

rest now

Finding out was just the absolute perfect top to an incredibly shitty day. Still don't have a vehicle that is safe to drive, so called and canceled the dentist appointment I had for tomorrow. I just can't drive that stupid van, and the man won't get it fixed and I can't pay for it cause I have no freekin' job and no freekin' vehicle to get me back and forth from one if I had one to begin with! And canceling the appointment really bummed me out, so I spent all day crying off and on. I was so looking forward to having a pretty smile, or at least a reasonably decent one.

And my little gifty/card/thingy never arrived in Japan so Nagano-san never got it, nor ever will and I can't make another one like it, no two are ever the same. Besides, it depresses me so much to think about it that I wouldn't be able to work on anything with a clear mind and happy heart. And besides, I wouldn't send him anything that I worked on when I wasn't feeling my absolute best. Wouldn't want to send any bad vibes his way. Made sure I only worked on it while I was feeling really good and happy and full of good thoughts for him. I don't feel that way now. I just feel depressed and sad and crappy and like what's the use. I mean, it wasn't anything spectacular or fine or expensive, just a little silver wire charm I formed and hung on a bit of braided hemp. It was merely the receptacle for the good wishes and admiration I feel for him. Oh well, perhaps the well wishes reached him, even if my gift did not.

I just feel so yucky today. I wish I could go back and start the day all over. Well, maybe not. It might just get worse. I hate crying. Talk about an utter waste of time and effort. It never changes anything and it just makes other people uncomfortable when they find out, or see you doing it. Think I'll just finish up my little chores and go to bed. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Peace.