Fruit of the Gods, I name you...
Spicy, honeyed, cool, yet bracing...
Enticing, refreshing,
satisfies my yearning.
What can I say? It was a really good orange. Quite tasty.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Let me speak to you of the beauty of an orange...
... fragrant juice escaping down my chin.
Fruit of the Gods, I name you...
Spicy, honeyed, cool, yet bracing...
Enticing, refreshing,
satisfies my yearning.
What can I say? It was a really good orange. Quite tasty.
Fruit of the Gods, I name you...
Spicy, honeyed, cool, yet bracing...
Enticing, refreshing,
satisfies my yearning.
What can I say? It was a really good orange. Quite tasty.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Huh? What?
War bill helps Iraqis, may ignore Katrina victims
Only in America.
Why doesn't everyone just get mad enough to march on their state houses, the White House, their congressman's local office? Sign a petition or something??? This is utterly and completely ridiculous. Damn!
Only in America.
Why doesn't everyone just get mad enough to march on their state houses, the White House, their congressman's local office? Sign a petition or something??? This is utterly and completely ridiculous. Damn!
Yes, we have no bananas...
Actually, we do have bananas. What we do not have is unsalted peanuts and I'd really like to have some right now. Guess the cashews will have to do. Oh well, I like them too.
John McCain smiles way too much, and he says, "my friends" too much, and he blinks his eyes too much. And when he says something he knows isn't true (or the complete truth) he does this thing where he hunches his shoulders and begins to look like an evil little spider monkey thing. I can't believe I actually wanted him to win the repugnicant nomination. I thought he would be the best of a bad lot. Perhaps even be good for the country if he won thru to the White House. Now I'm not so sure. He seems to be trying to do exactly the same things that Rove did to get Bush elected. That's scary. I had hopes that McCain would actually be honest. I know... I know... he's a politician. Honesty is so far out of their collective reach it might as well be on another planet in some universe far, far away...
It was over 100 degrees today. That's way too hot for early/mid June. But there is no "Global Warming". Its all still a "theory", really. And what do I know? I just live here. The temperature shouldn't even be getting into the 90's yet.
Barack Obama is now the Democratic nominee. I voted for Hillary in the GA primary, so... he obviously was not my first choice. I'm really angry at Hillary for the stupid way she ran her campaign. She could have won! Actually, she should have run in 2004. She and Bill miscalculated badly. And they continued miscalculating and misjudging the temperature of the electorate. I think Bill is just too old. It is my hope that he behaves himself during the general election. The last thing we need is him out there sabotaging Obama's campaign the way he did his wife's. I have hopes that Obama can really change things the way he says he wants to. I know that the President doesn't (or rather, used to not) have more power than the Congress granted him. But perhaps he will be able to hold the attention of the American people for longer than 10 seconds. Maybe he can get the populace behind him and actually affect some change for the better. I have hopes... silly me, eh?
I have been so ill this weekend. Since Friday, actually. My women's curse, you know. A really bad one this time. Hate it when that happens. You want to get up and do things and take care of business and stuff and you can't . All you can do is lay on the bed, curled around a pillow, hoping like hell that you don't start heaving. Guess I didn't have enough calcium to stave off the cramps this time. It doesn't really stop them all together, but I do find that they aren't as bad as they can be, if I make sure I get enough. Would be so much easier to get an appropriate amount of calcium if I liked milk. But I don't. Except with Oreo cookies or the Famous Amos chocolate chip and pecan cookies. Dang! Wish I hadn't thought of those. They are really good.
Dang it! There were some things I wanted to bring up on the blog. Some points that I wanted to present to everyone. I was thinking about them while I was lying in bed suffering. Only, I didn't have a notebook nearby, so didn't write them down. So of course I can't remember them now. Isn't that the way it goes?
The Elf, Kasey Kahne, won the Cup race at Pocono today. Good enough. Stupid ol Kyle Busch came in dead assed last, which made the whole thing worthwhile television, in my book. Pocono is a long, long race. The track is weird shaped and was built for open wheel racing, not stock car racing. But stock car racing is their biggest money maker. Track is just too big for open wheel race cars. There isn't much passing in stock car races there, but open wheel cars are just pathetic to watch there. Speaking of open wheel racing... I caught a bit of the IRL race in Ft. Worth, TX last night, after the Nationwide Series race in Nashville, which Brad Keselowski won. (it should be noted that it was his first ever win in one of the three major NASCAR racing series) Poor Danika didn't do so well in the IRL race. Got wrecked into, I think. I confess that I was not quite fully awake as I was watching that race, but I think she did wreck out, or her pit crew messed her up or something. Anyway... And there is a woman in drag racing who is leading the points in her division. I was thinking... wondering... how come drag racing can have successful women competitors, and now open wheel racing can have successful women competitors. In fact, the IRL has 3 women competing on a full time basis. Or, at least two. I think Sara Fischer would like to compete full time but she's running her own car and hasn't much sponsorship. (silly girl. she should have gone nascar racing when she had the chance.) Anyway... if other types of motor sports can have women who are competitive, who drive for top rank teams, why can't NASCAR? Are the powers that be in NASCAR still such Neanderthals? (no offense to any Neanderthals out there) There have been women who have tried to make it in NASCAR. Tammy Jo Kirk drove the wheels off her truck the first couple of years that NASCAR ran the Craftsman Truck Series. But she was not photogenic. She was not young. She just wanted to race. So she lost her ride eventually and moved on. There's been Elton Sawyer's wife, Shawna Robinson. She had a deal with Bam racing in Cup for about half a season. Then they canned her and hired Ken Schrader. Like as tho changing the driver was gonna make that piece of crap car of theirs run any faster. Really. Sheesh. Then there was some talk about some young girl who signed a developement deal with Richard Childress Racing a few years back, but then... you didn't hear nothing about her thereafter. There are two full time women racers in the ARCA series, Ali Owens and Gabbi DeCarlo. Both run about mid pack or just out of the top ten. I think if they had good cars they could run in the top ten. And then there's Erin Crocker. Poor Erin. I think she had what it took. I think she was a real racer... then she had an affair with her car owner, Ray Evernham, and that was that. When their relationship went out the door, so did the racing deal. I don't necessarily agree with the way the media jumped on their relationship, but still... someone should have told the young girl that it was gonna be bad for business for her to date the boss. She still races in the ARCA series sometimes, but not much of that anymore either. Anyway... just wondering about that.
Guess I will wrap it up for now. I don't suppose this post is going to cause quite the furor that my last post did. Probably a good thing, too.
See ya!
John McCain smiles way too much, and he says, "my friends" too much, and he blinks his eyes too much. And when he says something he knows isn't true (or the complete truth) he does this thing where he hunches his shoulders and begins to look like an evil little spider monkey thing. I can't believe I actually wanted him to win the repugnicant nomination. I thought he would be the best of a bad lot. Perhaps even be good for the country if he won thru to the White House. Now I'm not so sure. He seems to be trying to do exactly the same things that Rove did to get Bush elected. That's scary. I had hopes that McCain would actually be honest. I know... I know... he's a politician. Honesty is so far out of their collective reach it might as well be on another planet in some universe far, far away...
It was over 100 degrees today. That's way too hot for early/mid June. But there is no "Global Warming". Its all still a "theory", really. And what do I know? I just live here. The temperature shouldn't even be getting into the 90's yet.
Barack Obama is now the Democratic nominee. I voted for Hillary in the GA primary, so... he obviously was not my first choice. I'm really angry at Hillary for the stupid way she ran her campaign. She could have won! Actually, she should have run in 2004. She and Bill miscalculated badly. And they continued miscalculating and misjudging the temperature of the electorate. I think Bill is just too old. It is my hope that he behaves himself during the general election. The last thing we need is him out there sabotaging Obama's campaign the way he did his wife's. I have hopes that Obama can really change things the way he says he wants to. I know that the President doesn't (or rather, used to not) have more power than the Congress granted him. But perhaps he will be able to hold the attention of the American people for longer than 10 seconds. Maybe he can get the populace behind him and actually affect some change for the better. I have hopes... silly me, eh?
I have been so ill this weekend. Since Friday, actually. My women's curse, you know. A really bad one this time. Hate it when that happens. You want to get up and do things and take care of business and stuff and you can't . All you can do is lay on the bed, curled around a pillow, hoping like hell that you don't start heaving. Guess I didn't have enough calcium to stave off the cramps this time. It doesn't really stop them all together, but I do find that they aren't as bad as they can be, if I make sure I get enough. Would be so much easier to get an appropriate amount of calcium if I liked milk. But I don't. Except with Oreo cookies or the Famous Amos chocolate chip and pecan cookies. Dang! Wish I hadn't thought of those. They are really good.
Dang it! There were some things I wanted to bring up on the blog. Some points that I wanted to present to everyone. I was thinking about them while I was lying in bed suffering. Only, I didn't have a notebook nearby, so didn't write them down. So of course I can't remember them now. Isn't that the way it goes?
The Elf, Kasey Kahne, won the Cup race at Pocono today. Good enough. Stupid ol Kyle Busch came in dead assed last, which made the whole thing worthwhile television, in my book. Pocono is a long, long race. The track is weird shaped and was built for open wheel racing, not stock car racing. But stock car racing is their biggest money maker. Track is just too big for open wheel race cars. There isn't much passing in stock car races there, but open wheel cars are just pathetic to watch there. Speaking of open wheel racing... I caught a bit of the IRL race in Ft. Worth, TX last night, after the Nationwide Series race in Nashville, which Brad Keselowski won. (it should be noted that it was his first ever win in one of the three major NASCAR racing series) Poor Danika didn't do so well in the IRL race. Got wrecked into, I think. I confess that I was not quite fully awake as I was watching that race, but I think she did wreck out, or her pit crew messed her up or something. Anyway... And there is a woman in drag racing who is leading the points in her division. I was thinking... wondering... how come drag racing can have successful women competitors, and now open wheel racing can have successful women competitors. In fact, the IRL has 3 women competing on a full time basis. Or, at least two. I think Sara Fischer would like to compete full time but she's running her own car and hasn't much sponsorship. (silly girl. she should have gone nascar racing when she had the chance.) Anyway... if other types of motor sports can have women who are competitive, who drive for top rank teams, why can't NASCAR? Are the powers that be in NASCAR still such Neanderthals? (no offense to any Neanderthals out there) There have been women who have tried to make it in NASCAR. Tammy Jo Kirk drove the wheels off her truck the first couple of years that NASCAR ran the Craftsman Truck Series. But she was not photogenic. She was not young. She just wanted to race. So she lost her ride eventually and moved on. There's been Elton Sawyer's wife, Shawna Robinson. She had a deal with Bam racing in Cup for about half a season. Then they canned her and hired Ken Schrader. Like as tho changing the driver was gonna make that piece of crap car of theirs run any faster. Really. Sheesh. Then there was some talk about some young girl who signed a developement deal with Richard Childress Racing a few years back, but then... you didn't hear nothing about her thereafter. There are two full time women racers in the ARCA series, Ali Owens and Gabbi DeCarlo. Both run about mid pack or just out of the top ten. I think if they had good cars they could run in the top ten. And then there's Erin Crocker. Poor Erin. I think she had what it took. I think she was a real racer... then she had an affair with her car owner, Ray Evernham, and that was that. When their relationship went out the door, so did the racing deal. I don't necessarily agree with the way the media jumped on their relationship, but still... someone should have told the young girl that it was gonna be bad for business for her to date the boss. She still races in the ARCA series sometimes, but not much of that anymore either. Anyway... just wondering about that.
Guess I will wrap it up for now. I don't suppose this post is going to cause quite the furor that my last post did. Probably a good thing, too.
See ya!
Monday, June 2, 2008
Conspiracy Theories and other things that make you go "Huh"
Let the rumors start here:
The fire at Universal Studios yesterday was allowed to burn out of control because:
1. The studio is in need of the insurance money.
2. Much like Nero, they needed the space for a new palace (movie set).
3. They wanted to distract the public from the fact that another stupid, lame, utterly unintelligent episode of the MTV Movie Awards was taping on their property.
The Democratic National Committee's rules and bylaws committee met this weekend amidst a sometime racous crowd to decide the fate of the Florida and Michigan primary votes. This whole thing is so crazy, so stupid, so seemingly designed to insure a republican win in the general election later this year. How could Howard Dean be so stupid as to not see this coming? What was he thinking to be so heavy handed toward those two states to begin with? And why is it so important to protect Iowa and New Hampshire's status as "first in the nation" caucus and primary states? They don't speak for me. Why should they get to decide the nominees every election year? Why should they get all the news coverage and the influx of media attention and money every election year? Spread the wealth, eh? Highlight two different states every time, why don't they? Why can't my state of Georgia get some of that interest, some of that scrutiny. If we did, perhaps we would actually make some progress in this state as far as the politics, race relations, infrastructure... are concerned. Anyway... ya'll have all heard my rant about this before. I hope something gets done about it this time but I don't really think it will. After the election is decided everyone will forget all about this issue. We seriously need election reform in this country, tho. The DNC rules are so convoluted, confusing and downright contradictory, no one can understand them. Even the party big-wigs don't fully understand them. I'm not sure about the RNC rules, but they are probably about as confusing as the DNC rules. Anyhow... enough of that subject.
Stupid ol Kyle Busch won the NASCAR race at Dover this weekend. The powers that be in NASCAR are so concerned with having another "black hat" driver and they have decided that Kyle Busch is the guy. He's just not got the age, the gravitas, to pull it off. He just comes across as a punk, a whiner, an arrogant little pin-head. I just don't like him. Actually, it would be fair to say that I can't stand him. I root for him to hit the wall every race. Not that I want him to get hurt or anything. Despite the fact that I detest the boy and can't stand to look at him or hear his voice, and despite the fact that I always want him to hit the wall hard enough to get taken out of the race, I still wouldn't want him to get hurt. Figure that one out, why don't you? Nevertheless, the France family have decided that Kyle Busch is their "guy" this year, just like Jimmie "freekin'" Johnson was the last two years. I'll be glad when it's Tony Stewarts turn again. Or even say... a Richard Childress driver, like Jeff Burton or Kevin Harvick, or Clint Bowyer.
Why is the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints considered a church and not a cult?
The statewide average for Regular unleaded gas in my state of Georgia is $3.949. The average in my local area of Augusta, GA is $3.889. My question is this: if we can no longer afford to drive to our jobs and we don't have adequate mass transit in our area and if no one is working and we all loose our jobs and can't pay our bills and can't buy groceries or video games or toilet paper or soap or any of life's little luxuries, or pay for electricity or water or home heating oil or cable TV or phone service and it all gets shut off (except for the rich folks) and then we all get thrown out of our houses and we're all living on the streets and in the woods and parks and on the sidewalks in front of our foreclosed homes... who is our government going to tax? Where are they going to get their money to pay for their healthcare and their limos and their big fine mansions and their caviar? And who are they going to tax to get the money they are sending overseas hand over fist? How are they going to pay for the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq? How are they going to pay for the huge aid packages to Africa to fight AIDS and poverty and illness and starvation? And by the way... who's gonna bury us all after we've fell over dead in OUR streets from starvation, illness, lack of shelter, food, clean water? Who's gonna pay for the police to protect all of us homeless people from the thugs and gangs that want to kill us just because we might have a small scrap of food or an intact coat? Apocoliptic imaginings, you say? Maybe so... maybe no. The point is... we DON'T know. And our government is doing NOTHING about any of it!!! And NOBODY seems to care!!! You can't tell me that our dear president and his cronies didn't see this coming for the past few years. You can't tell me that someone from any of the preceeding administrations, Clinton, Bush, Reagan, Carter, Ford, Nixon... didn't know that this was in the pipeline. They just didn't care cause they didn't think it would happen in THEIR time in the White House. Well, its happening now. Time's up. Is it too late now to do anything about it? We can hope not cause one things for true: George W. Bush isn't gonna do ANYTHING about solving the problem. He's too dumb to cope with it or even to understand that there is a problem.
And Ted Kennedy is having surgery today on that recently discovered brain tumor. God keep him. Bad guy? Good guy? I think he is some of each. But no one has worked so tirelessly for his constituents than Ted Kennedy. Wish we had a Congressman to represent us here in Georgia as ardently as he represents his. I wish him well.
The fire at Universal Studios yesterday was allowed to burn out of control because:
1. The studio is in need of the insurance money.
2. Much like Nero, they needed the space for a new palace (movie set).
3. They wanted to distract the public from the fact that another stupid, lame, utterly unintelligent episode of the MTV Movie Awards was taping on their property.
The Democratic National Committee's rules and bylaws committee met this weekend amidst a sometime racous crowd to decide the fate of the Florida and Michigan primary votes. This whole thing is so crazy, so stupid, so seemingly designed to insure a republican win in the general election later this year. How could Howard Dean be so stupid as to not see this coming? What was he thinking to be so heavy handed toward those two states to begin with? And why is it so important to protect Iowa and New Hampshire's status as "first in the nation" caucus and primary states? They don't speak for me. Why should they get to decide the nominees every election year? Why should they get all the news coverage and the influx of media attention and money every election year? Spread the wealth, eh? Highlight two different states every time, why don't they? Why can't my state of Georgia get some of that interest, some of that scrutiny. If we did, perhaps we would actually make some progress in this state as far as the politics, race relations, infrastructure... are concerned. Anyway... ya'll have all heard my rant about this before. I hope something gets done about it this time but I don't really think it will. After the election is decided everyone will forget all about this issue. We seriously need election reform in this country, tho. The DNC rules are so convoluted, confusing and downright contradictory, no one can understand them. Even the party big-wigs don't fully understand them. I'm not sure about the RNC rules, but they are probably about as confusing as the DNC rules. Anyhow... enough of that subject.
Stupid ol Kyle Busch won the NASCAR race at Dover this weekend. The powers that be in NASCAR are so concerned with having another "black hat" driver and they have decided that Kyle Busch is the guy. He's just not got the age, the gravitas, to pull it off. He just comes across as a punk, a whiner, an arrogant little pin-head. I just don't like him. Actually, it would be fair to say that I can't stand him. I root for him to hit the wall every race. Not that I want him to get hurt or anything. Despite the fact that I detest the boy and can't stand to look at him or hear his voice, and despite the fact that I always want him to hit the wall hard enough to get taken out of the race, I still wouldn't want him to get hurt. Figure that one out, why don't you? Nevertheless, the France family have decided that Kyle Busch is their "guy" this year, just like Jimmie "freekin'" Johnson was the last two years. I'll be glad when it's Tony Stewarts turn again. Or even say... a Richard Childress driver, like Jeff Burton or Kevin Harvick, or Clint Bowyer.
Why is the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints considered a church and not a cult?
The statewide average for Regular unleaded gas in my state of Georgia is $3.949. The average in my local area of Augusta, GA is $3.889. My question is this: if we can no longer afford to drive to our jobs and we don't have adequate mass transit in our area and if no one is working and we all loose our jobs and can't pay our bills and can't buy groceries or video games or toilet paper or soap or any of life's little luxuries, or pay for electricity or water or home heating oil or cable TV or phone service and it all gets shut off (except for the rich folks) and then we all get thrown out of our houses and we're all living on the streets and in the woods and parks and on the sidewalks in front of our foreclosed homes... who is our government going to tax? Where are they going to get their money to pay for their healthcare and their limos and their big fine mansions and their caviar? And who are they going to tax to get the money they are sending overseas hand over fist? How are they going to pay for the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq? How are they going to pay for the huge aid packages to Africa to fight AIDS and poverty and illness and starvation? And by the way... who's gonna bury us all after we've fell over dead in OUR streets from starvation, illness, lack of shelter, food, clean water? Who's gonna pay for the police to protect all of us homeless people from the thugs and gangs that want to kill us just because we might have a small scrap of food or an intact coat? Apocoliptic imaginings, you say? Maybe so... maybe no. The point is... we DON'T know. And our government is doing NOTHING about any of it!!! And NOBODY seems to care!!! You can't tell me that our dear president and his cronies didn't see this coming for the past few years. You can't tell me that someone from any of the preceeding administrations, Clinton, Bush, Reagan, Carter, Ford, Nixon... didn't know that this was in the pipeline. They just didn't care cause they didn't think it would happen in THEIR time in the White House. Well, its happening now. Time's up. Is it too late now to do anything about it? We can hope not cause one things for true: George W. Bush isn't gonna do ANYTHING about solving the problem. He's too dumb to cope with it or even to understand that there is a problem.
And Ted Kennedy is having surgery today on that recently discovered brain tumor. God keep him. Bad guy? Good guy? I think he is some of each. But no one has worked so tirelessly for his constituents than Ted Kennedy. Wish we had a Congressman to represent us here in Georgia as ardently as he represents his. I wish him well.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Oh Puh-leeze!!! There is no way in hell....
... that any man is ever going to do any of this. Not with a straight face, and certainly not for more than 10 seconds. Who does this crazy guy think he's foolin'? He had to be laughing like a monkey the whole time he sat bashing away at his keyboard writing this article. Guys, really, is this some sort of "male humor" thing? Tell me please cause I can't on any day, for any reason, see my husband doing any of this crap (except cooking a meal and I hate it when he does that). And if he did I would be wondering what really awful thing he had done or was thinking about doing. Or whether or not he was fixing to divorce me. Ladies, am I right? Any woman would drop dead on the instant if her man voluntarily began to massage her feet, or actually handed her the remote. And further more and on top of that: from number 1 "Make it look like you want to do it." ??? How, pray tell, does this yahoo think a man is going to do that? He sure doesn't give any pointers on how they are to manage that part, now does he? I'm sorry, but this article is just a load of crap. If men could do any of those things with smile on their face... no one would be having to write a stupid article telling them to do it!!!
Besides... this article is sorta creepy on a whole other level. It's like Cosmo for men. I'm shuddering. I don't want a man who reads man Cosmo. That's just wrong. I don't want a man who butts in on my shtick, takes over my job, horns in on my turf. Being touchy feely is my job. The woman's job. I'm the one who is supposed to send a little note telling him how wonderful he was last night, or making him dinner (my man butts into my kitchen too often as it is), or driving him to the airport or watching a show or a sporting event with him. I would not want to have to have him nosing in on what I'm watching or doing or whatever. That's just not cool. In a relationship men and women have things they are equally responsible for, things that the woman is responsible for, and things that the man is responsible for. I have no intention of messing in his business and I certainly don't want him messing in mine. As far as I'm concerned,that's the way to keep a relationship running smoothly and happily. Let him stick to his territory and me to mine and we'll meet in the middle as it should be.
Thing is, I think we should each learn to accept our position and responsibilities in a relationship and just deal with it. If you aren't happy with what you are doing, then you need to really take stock of your situation and figure out if you need to go on down the road or if you just want to accept it. Sometimes going on down the road is the right thing to do. Sometimes staying and accepting is the right thing. Only you can make that decision. But each person should be able to feel safe in their "place". Your partner should not be trying to take over your position, your responsibilities. And you shouldn't be trying to take over theirs. It's better if each person knows without question where they are supposed to be, what they are supposed to be doing, what their job is in the relationship. That's what leads to a more harmonious union. I think.
Simply Red ~ If You Don't Know Me By Now
Besides... this article is sorta creepy on a whole other level. It's like Cosmo for men. I'm shuddering. I don't want a man who reads man Cosmo. That's just wrong. I don't want a man who butts in on my shtick, takes over my job, horns in on my turf. Being touchy feely is my job. The woman's job. I'm the one who is supposed to send a little note telling him how wonderful he was last night, or making him dinner (my man butts into my kitchen too often as it is), or driving him to the airport or watching a show or a sporting event with him. I would not want to have to have him nosing in on what I'm watching or doing or whatever. That's just not cool. In a relationship men and women have things they are equally responsible for, things that the woman is responsible for, and things that the man is responsible for. I have no intention of messing in his business and I certainly don't want him messing in mine. As far as I'm concerned,that's the way to keep a relationship running smoothly and happily. Let him stick to his territory and me to mine and we'll meet in the middle as it should be.
Thing is, I think we should each learn to accept our position and responsibilities in a relationship and just deal with it. If you aren't happy with what you are doing, then you need to really take stock of your situation and figure out if you need to go on down the road or if you just want to accept it. Sometimes going on down the road is the right thing to do. Sometimes staying and accepting is the right thing. Only you can make that decision. But each person should be able to feel safe in their "place". Your partner should not be trying to take over your position, your responsibilities. And you shouldn't be trying to take over theirs. It's better if each person knows without question where they are supposed to be, what they are supposed to be doing, what their job is in the relationship. That's what leads to a more harmonious union. I think.
Simply Red ~ If You Don't Know Me By Now
Saturday, May 24, 2008
This one's for you, Mr. Mike
Dio ~ Stand Up And Shout
It's the same old song
You've gotta be somewhere at sometime
They never let you fly.
It's like broken glass
You get cut before you see it
So open up your eyes.
You've got desire
So let it out.
You've got the fire
Stand up and shout-shout.
You've got wings of steel
But they never really move you
You only seem to crawl.
You've been nailed to the wheel
But never really turning
You know you've got to want it all.
You've got desire
So let it out.
You've got the fire
Stand up and shout.
You are the strongest chain
And not just some reflection
So never hide again.
You are the driver
You own the road
You are the fire go on explode.
You've got desire
So let it out.
You've got the power
Stand up and shout.
One of my all time favorite Dio songs. Thanks to Mr. Mike for reminding me just how great he is.
How about this one, Mr. Mike? Its from their second album "The Last in Line", which I also had on cassette.
Dio ~ We Rock
You watch their faces
You'll see the traces
Of the things they want to be
But only we can see.
They come for killing
They leave and still it seems
The cloud that's left behind
Oh, can penetrate your mind.
But sail on, sing a song, carry on
Cause We Rock, We Rock, We Rock, We Rock.
We pray to someone
But when it's said and done
It's really all the same
With just a different name.
So many voices
All giving choices
If we listen they will say
Oh, we can find the way.
But we'll sail on, sing a song, carry on
Cause We Rock, We Rock, We Rock, We Rock.
We Rock, We Rock, We Rock, We Rock.
We Rock!
We Rock
You watch their faces
You'll see the traces
Of the things they want to be
But only we can see.
They come for killing
They leave and still it seems
The cloud that's left behind
Can penetrate your mind.
Sail on, sing a song, carry on
Cause We Rock, We Rock, We Rock, We Rock.
We Rock, We Rock, We Rock, We Rock.
Ride out - stand and shout - carry on.
Sail on - Sing your song - carry on.
Cause We Rock, We Rock, see how We Rock.
We Rock.
That's rock.
We Rock.
We Rock.
Friday, May 16, 2008
The "other" Pete
Back story:
My husband Pete and I met way back in July of 1984. I was just a few days past my 18th birthday. He was a few months past his 43rd birthday. I fell head over heels, ass over tea kettle, in love with the man. I mean, hard, sweaty, forget to breathe, feeling dizzy, running a fever, can't sleep, can't eat, can't remember your own name, in love with the man! We got together immediately. We lived together (since he was a truck driver, we lived in his truck) for about 6 months. I'll cut to the point of this story, but if you want to learn more about the background stuff you can click here.
Anyway, when Pete and I parted ways in 1985, I started dating a guy who's name is actually John Peterson, but I knew him then as Pete Peterson. Funny, eh, since my husband is also known as Pete and not by his real name, which is Alfred. Peterson was an army buddy of my uncle Charles, whom I just spent a week and half with in TN. He was from MA, he talked funny (to my Southern ear) he was cute, and he was good in bed. It was purely a physical thing. He was good fun to be around, but I didn't fancy myself in love with him or anything like that. It was just a little fling. Thing is, I saw Pete, my Pete who is now my husband, some little while after I had started seeing Pete Peterson. He came to ask me to come back to him, and I was having too much fun partying to want to do that. (Teenagers are so frickin' smart, aren't they?) So, my Pete knows that I was seeing that Pete right after I broke up with him way back then. That Pete and my two uncles Charles and Donnie, were best buds for many years, even tho I moved on and didn't ever see him again, except once, at my uncle TL's funeral when my son was about 2 years old and I was still married to his dad. Sometime around 1996 Pete Peterson lost touch with my uncles and they hadn't heard from him since, but I didn't know that yet.
That's the short form of the back story to this story:
You all know that my uncle Charles was having health issues last month and that I went up to TN to care for him and help him as I could. Pete (my Pete) and Thomas drove me up there on a Saturday and they drove back home the very next day, a Sunday. Funny thing happened that Saturday evening while we were all still at Charles house. A friend named Kirsten had brought over a lot of food and stuff and she and I were in the kitchen getting things ready for supper and the guys were all in the living room talking. The phone rang and Kirsten picked up the kitchen phone but, since she is partially deaf in both ears, she couldn't make out what the person on the other end was saying. She handed the phone to me and I immediately switch gears and go into my best "professional receptionist" mode. I say, "Charles West residence, Holly speaking, how can I help you?" and this guy with an exceptionally thick North Easterner accent says, "This is John Peterson. I'd like to speak to Charles, please." So I take the phone to my uncle and I tell him the name and he gets this huge smile on his face and he grabs the phone and hollers, "Pete Peterson, you bastard! How the hell are you, man?!" And I nearly fell over. See, the whole time I was partying with him and doing the wild thang with him, all those years ago, I never knew his name was John.
I went back to the kitchen and eventually Charles got off the phone and we all got to the table for supper. During the course of the meal, Charles has to tell Kirsten the whole story of how he knew John Peterson and that he hadn't heard from him since about 1996 and that my uncle Donnie had met someone in his line of work that was from the town in MA where Pete is from and he had asked if the guy knew him and he did. (actually, since Pete was the youngest of 7 children and the only boy, the guy knew his sisters, not him, but when he got back home he gave one of Pete's sisters Donnie's business card to give to Pete and she did.)
Anyway... I just thought it was weird. Kinda ironic, that the last time I spent any time at my uncle Charles house, I was seeing Pete Peterson and my Pete had come by to try to get me to go back with him. And then just when I go back to his house for any time, married to my Pete, that Pete Peterson, who hadn't been in touch with Charles for years, should call. It was just funky and funny and weird and I could tell that hubby didn't like it but he didn't say anything, so neither did I.
I wonder if that Pete will come to the family reunion this year? It's going to be in FL and he is living in FL. On the coast somewhere, Gulf side, I think. South of Tampa/St. Pete. He has a live-in girlfriend. I wonder what he looks like now? I wonder if he's fat or skinny? If he still has those adorable light brown curls or if he's bald. I wonder if his eyes are still twinkly, or if they've gone dull with age and life in general? I wonder if he wonders what I look like? I know he remembers me cause I identified myself when I took the phone from Kirsten and Charles said that during the course of their conversation he asked if that was me. I wonder if my Pete will find some reason that we shouldn't go to the family reunion this year, just on the off chance that that Pete will be there? He better not.
So... different kind of comedy story, eh? Ironic? Sad? Silly? Twisted? I just thought it was a little curious. So there it is: the story of The Other Pete.
My husband Pete and I met way back in July of 1984. I was just a few days past my 18th birthday. He was a few months past his 43rd birthday. I fell head over heels, ass over tea kettle, in love with the man. I mean, hard, sweaty, forget to breathe, feeling dizzy, running a fever, can't sleep, can't eat, can't remember your own name, in love with the man! We got together immediately. We lived together (since he was a truck driver, we lived in his truck) for about 6 months. I'll cut to the point of this story, but if you want to learn more about the background stuff you can click here.
Anyway, when Pete and I parted ways in 1985, I started dating a guy who's name is actually John Peterson, but I knew him then as Pete Peterson. Funny, eh, since my husband is also known as Pete and not by his real name, which is Alfred. Peterson was an army buddy of my uncle Charles, whom I just spent a week and half with in TN. He was from MA, he talked funny (to my Southern ear) he was cute, and he was good in bed. It was purely a physical thing. He was good fun to be around, but I didn't fancy myself in love with him or anything like that. It was just a little fling. Thing is, I saw Pete, my Pete who is now my husband, some little while after I had started seeing Pete Peterson. He came to ask me to come back to him, and I was having too much fun partying to want to do that. (Teenagers are so frickin' smart, aren't they?) So, my Pete knows that I was seeing that Pete right after I broke up with him way back then. That Pete and my two uncles Charles and Donnie, were best buds for many years, even tho I moved on and didn't ever see him again, except once, at my uncle TL's funeral when my son was about 2 years old and I was still married to his dad. Sometime around 1996 Pete Peterson lost touch with my uncles and they hadn't heard from him since, but I didn't know that yet.
That's the short form of the back story to this story:
You all know that my uncle Charles was having health issues last month and that I went up to TN to care for him and help him as I could. Pete (my Pete) and Thomas drove me up there on a Saturday and they drove back home the very next day, a Sunday. Funny thing happened that Saturday evening while we were all still at Charles house. A friend named Kirsten had brought over a lot of food and stuff and she and I were in the kitchen getting things ready for supper and the guys were all in the living room talking. The phone rang and Kirsten picked up the kitchen phone but, since she is partially deaf in both ears, she couldn't make out what the person on the other end was saying. She handed the phone to me and I immediately switch gears and go into my best "professional receptionist" mode. I say, "Charles West residence, Holly speaking, how can I help you?" and this guy with an exceptionally thick North Easterner accent says, "This is John Peterson. I'd like to speak to Charles, please." So I take the phone to my uncle and I tell him the name and he gets this huge smile on his face and he grabs the phone and hollers, "Pete Peterson, you bastard! How the hell are you, man?!" And I nearly fell over. See, the whole time I was partying with him and doing the wild thang with him, all those years ago, I never knew his name was John.
I went back to the kitchen and eventually Charles got off the phone and we all got to the table for supper. During the course of the meal, Charles has to tell Kirsten the whole story of how he knew John Peterson and that he hadn't heard from him since about 1996 and that my uncle Donnie had met someone in his line of work that was from the town in MA where Pete is from and he had asked if the guy knew him and he did. (actually, since Pete was the youngest of 7 children and the only boy, the guy knew his sisters, not him, but when he got back home he gave one of Pete's sisters Donnie's business card to give to Pete and she did.)
Anyway... I just thought it was weird. Kinda ironic, that the last time I spent any time at my uncle Charles house, I was seeing Pete Peterson and my Pete had come by to try to get me to go back with him. And then just when I go back to his house for any time, married to my Pete, that Pete Peterson, who hadn't been in touch with Charles for years, should call. It was just funky and funny and weird and I could tell that hubby didn't like it but he didn't say anything, so neither did I.
I wonder if that Pete will come to the family reunion this year? It's going to be in FL and he is living in FL. On the coast somewhere, Gulf side, I think. South of Tampa/St. Pete. He has a live-in girlfriend. I wonder what he looks like now? I wonder if he's fat or skinny? If he still has those adorable light brown curls or if he's bald. I wonder if his eyes are still twinkly, or if they've gone dull with age and life in general? I wonder if he wonders what I look like? I know he remembers me cause I identified myself when I took the phone from Kirsten and Charles said that during the course of their conversation he asked if that was me. I wonder if my Pete will find some reason that we shouldn't go to the family reunion this year, just on the off chance that that Pete will be there? He better not.
So... different kind of comedy story, eh? Ironic? Sad? Silly? Twisted? I just thought it was a little curious. So there it is: the story of The Other Pete.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Ah... so that's what it means...
I always wondered about the name of this group: Three Dog Night. Now I know...
"The now-famous name came from a story about Australian aborigines who, on cold nights in the outback, sleep with their dogs for warmth. The coldest evenings are known as three dog nights."
That explanation came from their "official" website. I have also seen it said that the story was Eskimo/Inuit. Whichever... They were one of my earliest musical memories. They did so many, many fine songs. It would be impossible for me to pick just one as my "favorite". Tho I have spent hours and days and weeks pondering the words to this one:
Three Dog Night - Black & White
Three Dog Night - One
B.J. Thomas - Hooked On A Feeling
The point is: as a human being, we are born with the ability, the instinct to love and to want love. We learn to hate as we grow. It is something we have to be taught. As a child, growing up in the South, I didn't understand that I was supposed to think of those two old black people any differently than I thought of any older person in my church or neighborhood. I showed them respect just like I did my Granny and her friends. I didn't understand why they didn't ever come to the front door just like everyone else. And thank the Lord that's a lesson I never did learn.
Thomas Update
As many of you know, we had to take Thomas to the emergency room late Wed. night/early Thur. morning (May 8) because of strong abdominal pain. It was an "enlarged" appendix. Thank God it was caught before full blown Appendicitis struck. He had it removed about 2pm Thur. afternoon. He had a reaction to the anesthetic, so they kept him in the hospital an extra day to make sure it was all out of his system. Naturally I stayed at the hospital with him the whole time. Except for a couple hours I took right after his surgery (while he was still sleeping it off) to go home and eat a real supper and take a shower and grab my meds. We came home Saturday, the 10th. Sunday, Mother's Day, he and I just slept all day and lazed around. We are recovering nicely now. Thomas has not asked for any of his pain medication. He is eating and sleeping normally. The only problem I have is keeping him from doing anything too strenuous. He can't lift anything, or be pullng and pushing on stuff until the staples come out. I will take him to see the doctor on the 20th to get that done and then he should be pretty much back to normal.
I have had an eventful few weeks and I hope all the excitement is over for now.
"The now-famous name came from a story about Australian aborigines who, on cold nights in the outback, sleep with their dogs for warmth. The coldest evenings are known as three dog nights."
That explanation came from their "official" website. I have also seen it said that the story was Eskimo/Inuit. Whichever... They were one of my earliest musical memories. They did so many, many fine songs. It would be impossible for me to pick just one as my "favorite". Tho I have spent hours and days and weeks pondering the words to this one:
Three Dog Night - Black & White
It came out in 1972 or 1973. I was 5 or 6 years old. Up to that time I had not seen many people who were not white. Except the older black couple who would come to my Granny's back door to sell their cakes. Yummy cakes they were, too. But they would never come to the front door, only the back. Curiouser and curiouser to a young girl who had never actually been taught to be prejudice. Anyway... like I said, their music made me think from a very young age.
Like this "One" which came out in 1969, when I was all of 3. It made me listen, it made me think, it made me feel... something... even at that tender age.
Three Dog Night - One
BJ Thomas had that effect on me too. His music is also one of my earliest memories. I still love his voice to this day. Besides, even at 5-6 years old I could see he was quite handsome. (I'm not kidding, he was, is, what ever...)
B.J. Thomas - Hooked On A Feeling
The point is: as a human being, we are born with the ability, the instinct to love and to want love. We learn to hate as we grow. It is something we have to be taught. As a child, growing up in the South, I didn't understand that I was supposed to think of those two old black people any differently than I thought of any older person in my church or neighborhood. I showed them respect just like I did my Granny and her friends. I didn't understand why they didn't ever come to the front door just like everyone else. And thank the Lord that's a lesson I never did learn.
As many of you know, we had to take Thomas to the emergency room late Wed. night/early Thur. morning (May 8) because of strong abdominal pain. It was an "enlarged" appendix. Thank God it was caught before full blown Appendicitis struck. He had it removed about 2pm Thur. afternoon. He had a reaction to the anesthetic, so they kept him in the hospital an extra day to make sure it was all out of his system. Naturally I stayed at the hospital with him the whole time. Except for a couple hours I took right after his surgery (while he was still sleeping it off) to go home and eat a real supper and take a shower and grab my meds. We came home Saturday, the 10th. Sunday, Mother's Day, he and I just slept all day and lazed around. We are recovering nicely now. Thomas has not asked for any of his pain medication. He is eating and sleeping normally. The only problem I have is keeping him from doing anything too strenuous. He can't lift anything, or be pullng and pushing on stuff until the staples come out. I will take him to see the doctor on the 20th to get that done and then he should be pretty much back to normal.
I have had an eventful few weeks and I hope all the excitement is over for now.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
My trip
Anyway... been gone a few weeks. Was in Tennessee with my Uncle Charles, who had massive, seriously serious abdominal surgery on April 2nd, wherein they cut a big tumor out of his stomach and then took out about 8 inches of what intestines he has left. He was in the hospital for 16 days before they let him come home. Then he was home for a week and then the day before I was due to come home, he had a little set-back and I had to take him back to the hospital, where they kept him for three more days. He got home on a Monday and I left him to come home that Thursday evening. I did enjoy getting to know him better as an adult. I had not spent much time with him since I was in my late teens. Other than seeing him at family reunions and other family functions. And I didn't spend much time around him even then. Its a long story but here's the short of it:
"In 1981 he was working as a longshoreman in the port of Houston. He was nearly killed when a load shifted and a ton of steel pipes fell on him. He was in the hospital for over 8 months while the doctors tried to reconstruct his insides and save enough intestines and stomach so he could survive without being hooked up to a machine. They managed it but he had to wear a colostomy ever since. He lost the ability to sire children; had permanent nerve damage in his right leg which is now atrophying after all these years. He did manage to keep it supple for 27 years. A miracle, actually. Anyway, he got lots of money after that and he had a lot of mental anguish and he began drinking heavily and doing drugs heavily and people started hanging around him cause he was always willing to pay for the party and he liked people who would be "yes men" to him. I didn't like most of them (even some family members) whom I thought were just using him. But I never have been much of a druggie and a boozer. I grew out of that when I had my son, but I never liked it much even before that. Anyway... I chose not to be around that kind of stuff. I didn't agree with his lifestyle and I didn't want his money and I wasn't about to be a "yes" person to him or let him boss me around and be rude to me. Now... he's used up all his money, he's pretty much in the poor house, he has to depend on the VA for his health care and this year he had a bout of Mersa (that horrible staph infection that has been killing people all over the world in hospitals) and it got into the colostomy wound area and they had to cut that out and remove the ostomy from the left side of his abdomen and re-situate it on the right. Then his insides didn't want to work after the surgery... he's had a terrible time. I truly feel for him. Sure, you can say he pretty much brought all this hardship on himself, as far as the money thing goes and all, but the original accident was not his fault and he's still my uncle and I still love him even tho I don't always agree with him. So... that's the shortest version of that story as I could do."
So anyway, I stayed with him cause I thought it was the right thing to do. I still do. But I was tired as heck when I got back home. I was home Friday and then we got up Saturday morning and drove to Rockingham, NC to see the ARCA race. The motel I had a reservation at was horrible. The bathroom was moldy; the beds were saggy, and there were two guys out on the balcony in front of our room drinking beer and yelling at the cars as they drove by. Scary. And gross. So I called the Holiday Inn Express which we had seen on our way in to town and asked if they had a room available, which they did. So I got a refund from the Regal Inn and we went over to the Holiday Inn. Very nice room, clean, didn't have any funny odors; the carpet was nice and didn't stick to your bare feet; the continental breakfast the next morning was quite nice as well. The race at Rockingham was fantastic. I enjoyed it absolutely. I saw my man Tony Stewart. Actually was able to touch him on the shoulder and he smiled at me! What a blast! I'm still on cloud nine over that.
The weekend was just beautiful. Bright, sunny, breezy, beautiful. I got a colossal sun burn. My face and neck are just about the color of a perfectly ripe tomato. I look like a freak, pretty much. But it was worth all the agony I'm going thru now. I touched Smoke! He's beautiful, too. Much handsomer than any picture I've ever seen of him. Maybe later I'll explain about the pictures I didn't get and the fat man who jumped up in front of me just when I was snapping the picture of Tony and so on and so forth. So I didn't get a good close-up pic of him. I touched him, and that's way better than any old picture, to my way of thinking.
Anyway... that's about all I can do for tonight. I'm still kind of tired out. Haven't quite recovered from my double trip, yet. Not sorry I went either place, tho.
"In 1981 he was working as a longshoreman in the port of Houston. He was nearly killed when a load shifted and a ton of steel pipes fell on him. He was in the hospital for over 8 months while the doctors tried to reconstruct his insides and save enough intestines and stomach so he could survive without being hooked up to a machine. They managed it but he had to wear a colostomy ever since. He lost the ability to sire children; had permanent nerve damage in his right leg which is now atrophying after all these years. He did manage to keep it supple for 27 years. A miracle, actually. Anyway, he got lots of money after that and he had a lot of mental anguish and he began drinking heavily and doing drugs heavily and people started hanging around him cause he was always willing to pay for the party and he liked people who would be "yes men" to him. I didn't like most of them (even some family members) whom I thought were just using him. But I never have been much of a druggie and a boozer. I grew out of that when I had my son, but I never liked it much even before that. Anyway... I chose not to be around that kind of stuff. I didn't agree with his lifestyle and I didn't want his money and I wasn't about to be a "yes" person to him or let him boss me around and be rude to me. Now... he's used up all his money, he's pretty much in the poor house, he has to depend on the VA for his health care and this year he had a bout of Mersa (that horrible staph infection that has been killing people all over the world in hospitals) and it got into the colostomy wound area and they had to cut that out and remove the ostomy from the left side of his abdomen and re-situate it on the right. Then his insides didn't want to work after the surgery... he's had a terrible time. I truly feel for him. Sure, you can say he pretty much brought all this hardship on himself, as far as the money thing goes and all, but the original accident was not his fault and he's still my uncle and I still love him even tho I don't always agree with him. So... that's the shortest version of that story as I could do."
So anyway, I stayed with him cause I thought it was the right thing to do. I still do. But I was tired as heck when I got back home. I was home Friday and then we got up Saturday morning and drove to Rockingham, NC to see the ARCA race. The motel I had a reservation at was horrible. The bathroom was moldy; the beds were saggy, and there were two guys out on the balcony in front of our room drinking beer and yelling at the cars as they drove by. Scary. And gross. So I called the Holiday Inn Express which we had seen on our way in to town and asked if they had a room available, which they did. So I got a refund from the Regal Inn and we went over to the Holiday Inn. Very nice room, clean, didn't have any funny odors; the carpet was nice and didn't stick to your bare feet; the continental breakfast the next morning was quite nice as well. The race at Rockingham was fantastic. I enjoyed it absolutely. I saw my man Tony Stewart. Actually was able to touch him on the shoulder and he smiled at me! What a blast! I'm still on cloud nine over that.
The weekend was just beautiful. Bright, sunny, breezy, beautiful. I got a colossal sun burn. My face and neck are just about the color of a perfectly ripe tomato. I look like a freak, pretty much. But it was worth all the agony I'm going thru now. I touched Smoke! He's beautiful, too. Much handsomer than any picture I've ever seen of him. Maybe later I'll explain about the pictures I didn't get and the fat man who jumped up in front of me just when I was snapping the picture of Tony and so on and so forth. So I didn't get a good close-up pic of him. I touched him, and that's way better than any old picture, to my way of thinking.
Anyway... that's about all I can do for tonight. I'm still kind of tired out. Haven't quite recovered from my double trip, yet. Not sorry I went either place, tho.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I Had Totally Forgotten This Great Song!!!
Rocky Burnette - Tired of Toein' the Line
The night of the 15th I could not fall asleep. I just couldn't. Stressed out, worried, whatever. So... I'm laying there in bed running through the channels over and over. There was nothing on to watch. I can never figure out why that should be. I mean, we gots over a hundred stinkin' channels. There should be something at least passably interesting to watch at 2 in the morning. Wouldn't you think? But there isn't. So... I started running through the Music Choice channels, which most of you know are the music channels you get with your cable hookup. No videos and way too much crap, but they do play some good music. My favorite channels are the classic rock, soul, disco and country channels, as well as the decades channels: the 90's, 80's, 70's, and the golden oldies channel that plays some 60's and 50's. Anyway... While I was laying there trying to fall asleep and not succeeding, they played this old Rocky Burnette song. I remembered it right away. It was one of my favorite songs that year. I love the way he kinda has that little cryin' thing going on, or the little hiccough going on. Wiki him. I was blown away by how much I DIDN'T know about the man. Him and Billy Burnette, either. No way you can classify this guy as a "one hit wonder". No freekin' way. Anyway... it is a great song.
Uncle Charles Update: Tina called today to say that all 9 of his doctors crammed into his room and ran her out while they poked and prodded him and gave him a good going over. His bowels seem to be starting to function again, which is a relief. They say he will be going home tomorrow or Friday. So I guess I will going up to TN this Saturday. I will be there until the following Saturday or if Pete does like we'll do going up and spend the night Saturday and him and Thomas drive back home Sunday, then I will be home the next Sunday. I think that is the smart thing to do. I wouldn't want to sit in a car for 7-8 hours, get out for an hour or two and then jump back in and go another 7-8 hours in the car again. I'm fairly certain that will tire Pete out way more than he could stand. He's not up to full steam yet, no matter what he thinks. I hate the thought of leaving Thomas down here by himself for the whole week. But I guess it will be a good test for him. We'll see how well he does with his responsibilities without me here to remind him when he'd rather forget. I'm nervous about the whole thing. I shouldn't be such a freekin' chicken. I'm scared of the drive up there, more scared of the trip they will take back without me. Pete will drive faster without me in the car and driving in the mountains is dangerous. I'm scared of how Thomas will do without me here. I'm scared that Pete and he will fight while I'm gone and Thomas is way bigger than Pete and stronger, too. And if Pete does something stupid like tell Thomas to take his best shot at Dad, like he did a couple of years ago. Stupid move. Thomas wasn't going to, but Pete told him to again, and he don't understand that Thomas takes things quite literally. He didn't want to do it, and he started crying, but when Pete told him the third time to take as good a swing at old Dad as he could, Thomas did. And he cried and he ran to his room and locked the door and hid in the dark. And Pete got his glasses broken and his pride hurt and a bloody nose. And I was so mad at him for putting Thomas thru that cause Thomas doesn't understand what just happened or why his Dad wanted him to hit him. It was a heartbreaking scene for me. The closest I came to leaving Pete since we've been back together. I explained to him that if anything like that ever happend again I would have to take Thomas and go live somewhere else, but... he may try it again just cause I won't be here. He's kinda sick and twisted that way, sometimes. And I worry about it. I know taking care of Charles is the right thing for me to do. It's what I have to do in order to continue being comfortable with myself. He's family. I have obligation to the elders of my family to try to help them and care for them when they are having hard times. Do I not? How would I feel if I didn't go and he didn't have anyone there to watch after him and he fell down or tried to lift too much and he injured himself and possibly died because of it. What would that make me? A murderer? Basically, because I know his need and if I don't try to help then at best I am being neglectful. Oh well... I'm going, that's all I can say. I will go and I will do my best for him. That is all I can do. Anyway... must get some sleep. Have to go shopping some more tomorrow. oops, it's today already.
Peace. Have a Great Night Everybody!
Monday, April 14, 2008
How come he gets the break?
Senator Vitter won't testify in sex case
None of the other regular Joe's got off so easy. How come only the guys who no one ever heard of had to testify? Aren't their lives, careers, families just as important as David Vitter's? As the other government type guys who used this service? What gives. I smell a double standard here, don't you?
Who's bitter?
Me? You betcha! Of course those of us who are against the war, don't like the Bush policies (or lack thereof) and who have less purchasing power than we did 7 years ago are bitter. You'd have to be really stupid to not be feeling something negative about the way the world is trending right now. What's the big problem? Some people just can't handle the truth, I suppose. And others are apparently offended by it. And although I proudly voted for Hillary in the Georgia state primary; and although I still have hope that she will be the Democratic nominee so I can vote for her in the general election; the woman is beginning to get on my nerve with the way her campaign is being run. Surely she is smarter than that. What does that Penn guy have on her that she's hung with him for so long? Stupid move. And what's with Bill? I love Bill. I always will, he was a wonderful President. I've never been happier, had more enthusiasm, felt more general feelings of well being and hope as I did when he was running the show. But the man has got issues. Lately I have been wondering if he truly wants Hillary to be President. I think he's afraid that if she gets elected she might prove to be even better at the job than he was. He certainly seems to be working not for her nomination but against it. He needs to go sit down and keep his mouth shut. Or else, just stand there beside her with a vacuous smile on his face like most other political spouses (women) do.
Poem To A Horse - Shakira
You're to far to bring you close
And too high to see below
just hangin' on your daily dose
I know you never needed anyone
But the rolling papers for your grass
How can you give what you don't have?
You keep on aiming for the top
And quit before you sweat a drop
Feed your empty brain with your hydroponic pot
You start out playing with yourself
You get more fun within your shell
Nice to meet you but I gotta go my way
I'll leave again
Cuz I've been waiting in vain
But you're so in love with yourself
If I say my heart is sore
Sounds like a cheap metaphor
So I won't repeat it no more
I'd rather eat my soup with a fork
Or drive a cab in New York
Cuz to talk to you is harder work
So what's the point of wasting all my words
If it's just the same or even worse
Than reading poems to a horse
You keep on aiming for the top
And quit before you sweat a drop
Feed your empty brain with your hydroponic pot
I bet you'll find someone like you
Cuz there's a foot for every shoe
I wish you luck but I've got other things to do
I'll leave again
Cuz I've been waiting in vain
But you're so in love with yourself
If I say my heart is sore
Sounds like a cheap metaphor
So I won't repeat it no more
Oh My God! Have you ever seen a finer set of eye-teeth?!
This one was always one of my most favorite Adam Ant songs/videos. Who ever came up with his videos sure had a lively, fun loving attitude. I wonder if it was himself?
This concludes today's program. Please join us tomorrow (or some other day) for another riveting episode of "What Am I Doing Right Now".
Good Bye.
None of the other regular Joe's got off so easy. How come only the guys who no one ever heard of had to testify? Aren't their lives, careers, families just as important as David Vitter's? As the other government type guys who used this service? What gives. I smell a double standard here, don't you?
Who's bitter?
Me? You betcha! Of course those of us who are against the war, don't like the Bush policies (or lack thereof) and who have less purchasing power than we did 7 years ago are bitter. You'd have to be really stupid to not be feeling something negative about the way the world is trending right now. What's the big problem? Some people just can't handle the truth, I suppose. And others are apparently offended by it. And although I proudly voted for Hillary in the Georgia state primary; and although I still have hope that she will be the Democratic nominee so I can vote for her in the general election; the woman is beginning to get on my nerve with the way her campaign is being run. Surely she is smarter than that. What does that Penn guy have on her that she's hung with him for so long? Stupid move. And what's with Bill? I love Bill. I always will, he was a wonderful President. I've never been happier, had more enthusiasm, felt more general feelings of well being and hope as I did when he was running the show. But the man has got issues. Lately I have been wondering if he truly wants Hillary to be President. I think he's afraid that if she gets elected she might prove to be even better at the job than he was. He certainly seems to be working not for her nomination but against it. He needs to go sit down and keep his mouth shut. Or else, just stand there beside her with a vacuous smile on his face like most other political spouses (women) do.
Poem To A Horse - Shakira
You're to far to bring you close
And too high to see below
just hangin' on your daily dose
I know you never needed anyone
But the rolling papers for your grass
How can you give what you don't have?
You keep on aiming for the top
And quit before you sweat a drop
Feed your empty brain with your hydroponic pot
You start out playing with yourself
You get more fun within your shell
Nice to meet you but I gotta go my way
I'll leave again
Cuz I've been waiting in vain
But you're so in love with yourself
If I say my heart is sore
Sounds like a cheap metaphor
So I won't repeat it no more
I'd rather eat my soup with a fork
Or drive a cab in New York
Cuz to talk to you is harder work
So what's the point of wasting all my words
If it's just the same or even worse
Than reading poems to a horse
You keep on aiming for the top
And quit before you sweat a drop
Feed your empty brain with your hydroponic pot
I bet you'll find someone like you
Cuz there's a foot for every shoe
I wish you luck but I've got other things to do
I'll leave again
Cuz I've been waiting in vain
But you're so in love with yourself
If I say my heart is sore
Sounds like a cheap metaphor
So I won't repeat it no more
Oh My God! Have you ever seen a finer set of eye-teeth?!
This is a picture of Chad Little. The man was killer in the NASCAR Busch Series back in the day (mid to late 90's). Seems he was winning every race, or in contention to do so. Took a strange road to stock car racing fame. He was from Spokane, WA (where my great aunt Mary lived). Went to law school but never practised. Just went straight into racing. Weird, eh? Then he got a job driving the 97 John Deere car for Jack Rousch in the Cup series. He got the R&D car and never was in the running for any wins. Jeff Hammond (see my blog "You Sexy Thing...") was his crew chief at the time. I don't think they ever really hit it off. He works for NASCAR now, since he doesn't drive anymore. (Gave it up in disgust, I think) He's done most of the work getting NASCAR races in Mexico and Canada. He's one smart cookie. And he's so damned handsome. I always just wanted him to bite me on the neck. I mean really... just look at those teeth... Have you ever seen a sexier mouthful of teeth on a man? He did a TV show after his driving days were over, then started working for the powers that be at NASCAR. I miss being able to see him on a weekly basis. He's damn sure pretty!
Uncle Charles Update:
Just got a call from Tina. He's been down getting pictures taken all morning. They've been taking one every 30 minutes. They think he has an obstruction in his small intestine. They don't know what it is just yet. Hence all the pictures. The usual course of treatment for something like this is: 1. insert a tube and try to compress it and get it to pass on thru. 2. more surgery. Tina sounded scared. I'm sure she is. Wish I could be there for her. I can't. And I feel guilty about that.
Adam Ant - Puss 'N Boots
This one was always one of my most favorite Adam Ant songs/videos. Who ever came up with his videos sure had a lively, fun loving attitude. I wonder if it was himself?
This concludes today's program. Please join us tomorrow (or some other day) for another riveting episode of "What Am I Doing Right Now".
Good Bye.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Get Your A$$ Up And Walk!
This is the song that I usually start my walk with. If not the first, then somewhere in the beginning of my routine.
Pantera - Walk
From there I may go anywhere from KC & the Sunshine Band and Brothers Johnson and Wild Cherry to Guns and Roses or Dwight Yoakum or Patsy Cline or Janis or Red Hot Chili Peppers, or whatever. Toward the end of my walk when I'm getting tired I usually play this next one:
Pantera - Cowboys From Hell
The drums really help me get to the end. The way the drums and guitar are dueling at the end is terrific. I love it. Always gets me excited. No matter how many times I listen to it.
Having said that... I did not take my walk today. Wimped out. BUT... I told Pete that since Thomas now has all his game stuff upstairs that I'm going to put my treadmill in the front room with my stereo, so I can do my walk anytime I please. Like right now. I could be taking a walk right now, since supper is all done and everyone is winding down for the day and no one needs me for anything. But no... the man has gone to bed and since my treadmill is in the bedroom... you guessed it. I CAN'T TAKE A WALK!!! Really chaps my a$$, to be blunt about it. I want a ME room. A room with a frickin lock on the door! A room where I can go hide away and do my thing, whatever that thing is. Oh well. Putting the treadmill in the front room is a start I suppose. I'll be happy with that.
Must get busy taking pictures of the new cheeses I bought so I can start cutting on them and tasting. I really went wild on my last shopping trip. I got Smoked Gouda, Smoked Cheddar, Smoked Provolone, Australian Cheddar, and a French cheese that is cow and sheep's milk mixed. That Provolone smells so wonderful I can't wait to try it. I think I may break in to it tonight. The thought is making my mouth water. I think I'll go do that now. G'nite all.
Pantera - Walk
From there I may go anywhere from KC & the Sunshine Band and Brothers Johnson and Wild Cherry to Guns and Roses or Dwight Yoakum or Patsy Cline or Janis or Red Hot Chili Peppers, or whatever. Toward the end of my walk when I'm getting tired I usually play this next one:
Pantera - Cowboys From Hell
The drums really help me get to the end. The way the drums and guitar are dueling at the end is terrific. I love it. Always gets me excited. No matter how many times I listen to it.
Having said that... I did not take my walk today. Wimped out. BUT... I told Pete that since Thomas now has all his game stuff upstairs that I'm going to put my treadmill in the front room with my stereo, so I can do my walk anytime I please. Like right now. I could be taking a walk right now, since supper is all done and everyone is winding down for the day and no one needs me for anything. But no... the man has gone to bed and since my treadmill is in the bedroom... you guessed it. I CAN'T TAKE A WALK!!! Really chaps my a$$, to be blunt about it. I want a ME room. A room with a frickin lock on the door! A room where I can go hide away and do my thing, whatever that thing is. Oh well. Putting the treadmill in the front room is a start I suppose. I'll be happy with that.
Must get busy taking pictures of the new cheeses I bought so I can start cutting on them and tasting. I really went wild on my last shopping trip. I got Smoked Gouda, Smoked Cheddar, Smoked Provolone, Australian Cheddar, and a French cheese that is cow and sheep's milk mixed. That Provolone smells so wonderful I can't wait to try it. I think I may break in to it tonight. The thought is making my mouth water. I think I'll go do that now. G'nite all.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
I said take it easy Baby
I worked all day
and my feet feel just like lead.
Elvis Presley - Bossa Nova
You got my shirt tail flyin' all over the place,
and the sweat poppin' out on my head...
Okay... I had to do that. One of my favorite Elvis songs. Well, they nearly all are, but... you get my point, right? I was doing the laundry today and it was hot and I was being cheap by opening the windows and not turning on the AC. Sweat started dripping off my nose, and I couldn't stand it. Finally had to put on the AC. While I was standing there with the iron in my hand and the steam rising and the sweat dripping, this song popped into my head. So... in honor of being hot and sweaty and having to maintain an activity that you'd rather not be doing... I thought I would share the song with you. Hope you enjoy it.
Sugar update: it's fine. Been in the normal range for the past week and a half to two weeks. Only today it was 203/176. I think it was the wretched cookies Thomas and I ate yesterday. Damned things didn't even taste that good! Next time I splurge I'll make sure it's something I really, really want.
Damn! Just got off the phone with Tina. She's up in TN. Uncle Charles is still in the hospital and he isn't doing very well. She just got up there this evening and went straight to Nashville to the VA Hospital where he is. He's not getting up and walking like they want him to and he's having complications because of it but he says he's in too much pain to walk, he feels like his guts are going to fall out. That's what Tina said he told the nurse. She said they cut him from right below his breastbone to below his belly button. They had to take out more of his small intestine. He's not able to go because the pain meds are making his insides "sleep" (the doctor's description). They are trying to ease him off the morphine, but it's going slowly. I have no idea when they will be letting him go home. Tina is going to be there for this week then I guess I will be going next week. Or she might take two weeks, she doesn't know if she can. She's had training as a care-giver, I haven't, so if he needs extra special care it would be best if she could be there. I don't know nothing about it except how to dispense meds properly and basic cleaning and bandaging and how to sterilize things... Not looking forward to that part of it, I can tell you. Tina asked me what I was going to do if the cleaning of his wounds and all made me sick. I told her that if it made me sick I would just have to make sure I had a bucket nearby. HA! I mean, what else am I gonna do? He's my uncle. Family. I'm one of the younger members of the family, it's time for me to take a turn at helping out some of the older ones. I haven't ever been a position where I was able to do for others before. Now I am, sort of... my duty, my obligation, my need to be there. I just wish Pete wasn't being such a whineybutt about it. Like as tho if his sister needed him he wouldn't go. Or if his nephew or niece needed him he wouldn't go. I think he would. And if he wouldn't... well, that would just mean that he wasn't the person I thought he was. He would be someone I wouldn't want to associate with, much less be married to.
Anyway... Did mucho ironing today. Trying to get my things in order. I cleaned out my dresser drawers and made a start on my closet. Found things I'd totally forgotten I had. Doing things like that can sometimes be like a little mini-Christmas. It was actually a bit fun. The cleaning out part, not the ironing part...
Frank called this evening and wanted to know when he could get Thomas for a visit. I wanted to tell him never, but didn't. Thomas likes to go down there. He likes to see his half-sisters. Who am I to say he shouldn't? Pete always wants me to argue with Frank and get all worked up and upset. ??? I have never figured that out. When I don't he always fights with me and gets ugly and makes me cry. It's like... like... he figures that if I won't get upset by arguing with Frank that he'll argue with me and make me cry, but BY GOD! I'm going to cry one way or the other. It happens every time. Every single cotton picking time. It has never NOT happened. I don't understand it. From there it escalated to a rant on my poor housekeeping skills, my failure as a mother to teach my child any thing worth while and then ended with the usual litany of: I am a horrible person, I never listen to him, I never make him feel appreciated, that all I do is take and take and take and never give and oh, I don't know what all. The only thing that kept me from feeling like I wanted to kill myself tonight was the injustice of it all. The unfairness of it all. Frankly, he just pissed me off. I was actually too mad to feel suicidal. I guess that's a good thing, eh? He's such a dick. If I didn't love him so much I would be out of here so fast his neck would snap with the velocity of his head spinning. Oh well... no one said life was fair. In fact, I believe I remember my mother telling me that life was not fair and that only stupid people expected it to be. God knows I'm stupid sometimes, but I guess not that stupid.
Anyhow, then after I finally quite crying and got my sinuses back into some what working order is when Tina called. She'd just left the hospital and was making her way back to Smithville. She's going to go back first thing in the morning. More power to her. I wish her luck. Charles will probably make her cry. She's a faucet that never stops flowing, just like me. I hate that I cry so easily, and I know she does to. But she'll have to get stern with him to make him get up and walk and he'll speak harshly to her and she'll cry and he'll get disgusted and then he'll feel guilty and then he'll get up and walk, just like he knew he would before he made her cry!!! Guys. Sheesh! I'm not feeling real favorable toward them at the moment. Guess I'll end it here. Must hit the hay. Have lots of stuff to do tomorrow and every day this week.
Good night.
and my feet feel just like lead.
Elvis Presley - Bossa Nova
You got my shirt tail flyin' all over the place,
and the sweat poppin' out on my head...
Okay... I had to do that. One of my favorite Elvis songs. Well, they nearly all are, but... you get my point, right? I was doing the laundry today and it was hot and I was being cheap by opening the windows and not turning on the AC. Sweat started dripping off my nose, and I couldn't stand it. Finally had to put on the AC. While I was standing there with the iron in my hand and the steam rising and the sweat dripping, this song popped into my head. So... in honor of being hot and sweaty and having to maintain an activity that you'd rather not be doing... I thought I would share the song with you. Hope you enjoy it.
Sugar update: it's fine. Been in the normal range for the past week and a half to two weeks. Only today it was 203/176. I think it was the wretched cookies Thomas and I ate yesterday. Damned things didn't even taste that good! Next time I splurge I'll make sure it's something I really, really want.
Damn! Just got off the phone with Tina. She's up in TN. Uncle Charles is still in the hospital and he isn't doing very well. She just got up there this evening and went straight to Nashville to the VA Hospital where he is. He's not getting up and walking like they want him to and he's having complications because of it but he says he's in too much pain to walk, he feels like his guts are going to fall out. That's what Tina said he told the nurse. She said they cut him from right below his breastbone to below his belly button. They had to take out more of his small intestine. He's not able to go because the pain meds are making his insides "sleep" (the doctor's description). They are trying to ease him off the morphine, but it's going slowly. I have no idea when they will be letting him go home. Tina is going to be there for this week then I guess I will be going next week. Or she might take two weeks, she doesn't know if she can. She's had training as a care-giver, I haven't, so if he needs extra special care it would be best if she could be there. I don't know nothing about it except how to dispense meds properly and basic cleaning and bandaging and how to sterilize things... Not looking forward to that part of it, I can tell you. Tina asked me what I was going to do if the cleaning of his wounds and all made me sick. I told her that if it made me sick I would just have to make sure I had a bucket nearby. HA! I mean, what else am I gonna do? He's my uncle. Family. I'm one of the younger members of the family, it's time for me to take a turn at helping out some of the older ones. I haven't ever been a position where I was able to do for others before. Now I am, sort of... my duty, my obligation, my need to be there. I just wish Pete wasn't being such a whineybutt about it. Like as tho if his sister needed him he wouldn't go. Or if his nephew or niece needed him he wouldn't go. I think he would. And if he wouldn't... well, that would just mean that he wasn't the person I thought he was. He would be someone I wouldn't want to associate with, much less be married to.
Anyway... Did mucho ironing today. Trying to get my things in order. I cleaned out my dresser drawers and made a start on my closet. Found things I'd totally forgotten I had. Doing things like that can sometimes be like a little mini-Christmas. It was actually a bit fun. The cleaning out part, not the ironing part...
Frank called this evening and wanted to know when he could get Thomas for a visit. I wanted to tell him never, but didn't. Thomas likes to go down there. He likes to see his half-sisters. Who am I to say he shouldn't? Pete always wants me to argue with Frank and get all worked up and upset. ??? I have never figured that out. When I don't he always fights with me and gets ugly and makes me cry. It's like... like... he figures that if I won't get upset by arguing with Frank that he'll argue with me and make me cry, but BY GOD! I'm going to cry one way or the other. It happens every time. Every single cotton picking time. It has never NOT happened. I don't understand it. From there it escalated to a rant on my poor housekeeping skills, my failure as a mother to teach my child any thing worth while and then ended with the usual litany of: I am a horrible person, I never listen to him, I never make him feel appreciated, that all I do is take and take and take and never give and oh, I don't know what all. The only thing that kept me from feeling like I wanted to kill myself tonight was the injustice of it all. The unfairness of it all. Frankly, he just pissed me off. I was actually too mad to feel suicidal. I guess that's a good thing, eh? He's such a dick. If I didn't love him so much I would be out of here so fast his neck would snap with the velocity of his head spinning. Oh well... no one said life was fair. In fact, I believe I remember my mother telling me that life was not fair and that only stupid people expected it to be. God knows I'm stupid sometimes, but I guess not that stupid.
Anyhow, then after I finally quite crying and got my sinuses back into some what working order is when Tina called. She'd just left the hospital and was making her way back to Smithville. She's going to go back first thing in the morning. More power to her. I wish her luck. Charles will probably make her cry. She's a faucet that never stops flowing, just like me. I hate that I cry so easily, and I know she does to. But she'll have to get stern with him to make him get up and walk and he'll speak harshly to her and she'll cry and he'll get disgusted and then he'll feel guilty and then he'll get up and walk, just like he knew he would before he made her cry!!! Guys. Sheesh! I'm not feeling real favorable toward them at the moment. Guess I'll end it here. Must hit the hay. Have lots of stuff to do tomorrow and every day this week.
Good night.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
A propo of nothing...
I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today...
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Going Home
... tomorrow. Well, you can't ever really go home, can you? But you know what I mean. I'm going to Florida tomorrow. Will stay at my aunt Tina's house. Okay, sometimes I call her my sister, cause she's not 4 years older than me and my mom mostly raised her with me and my sister Martie. So... I have two older sisters really. Anyway... we'll stay at Tina's house and Martie will bring her family out to visit. Thought she was going to come with the girls and stay with us the whole weekend, but creep face John (her husband) decided he will come too, so they won't stay the night, just come over both days. That's good enough, I guess. I have problems always wanting more than I can have, or deserve. I try not to, but... I really wanted to spend good time with her and I know with that man around it won't be a good time for her or probably any one else.
Would like to spend more than a couple days down there, maybe hit the beach, hit the Springs, do a little site-seeing, reminiscing... won't have the chance. Will be happy with what I can have and not cry over what I can't have. Feel so nostalgic tonight. Thinking about when we were growing up, the stuff we used to do, the places we would go. Simple stuff, hanging out all night with friends, feeling the breeze, breathing the air, watching the moon and stars, listening to music... good times. Was skinny back then. Skinny, blond with big boobs. HA! Never wanted for a date much back then. That's funny. I look at myself now and wonder where did that girl go? What happened to her? Can I find her again? I would like to. Things keep dragging me down. Side-tracking me. I have to concentrate so hard... Life is funny. You know? I'm sure everyone has heard the saying, "If I knew then what I know now..." Funny, I feel like, "If I knew now what I knew then...". Feel like my mind is drifting away from me, little by little. Maybe all the memories will just disappear one day and I won't know who I am. Maybe I'd be better off.
But I like to remember what the ocean smelled like. What the orange blossoms smelled like. I want to remember that lone palm tree standing out there in the middle of the salt flats surrounded by nothing but sawgrass and dark, brackish water, the sun going down in your eyes, as you drive down Highway 50 toward the beach. Florida was beautiful when I was growing up there. It's not so beautiful now. In fact, to me it's ugly now. The orange groves are gone, the salt flats are mostly gone, the rivers are all silted up or else built up around so you can't see them. The horse farms are gone, the pastures are all covered by houses and strip malls. Progress, eh?
Feel kinda sad tonight. Should be happy, but I'm not. Not really. Life is hard. Love is hard. Sometimes it makes no sense. To me anyway. I remember that I was always a trusting, loving, affectionate person. I loved being around people. I loved pleasing people, making people happy. Then I figured out that people lie. People don't really love you even tho they say they do. People aren't really your friends, they just say they are and then they turn around and hurt you. Just to see you cry. Just because it makes them feel big, superior...
Nazareth - Love Hurts
And it makes me think about all the people I've hurt in my time. Unintentionally, or otherwise. Hurt through just not being there for them. Hurt by doing or saying something utterly selfish and self-centered that brought totally unintended results. It makes me feel shitty. I hate knowing that I've hurt others, but it's happened. I will pay for it. Have already paid for some of the things I've said and done. Will pay more, I'm sure.
This is for you, Bill, where ever you may be, what ever you may be doing... I'm sorry.
Bob Seger - You'll Accompany Me
Would like to spend more than a couple days down there, maybe hit the beach, hit the Springs, do a little site-seeing, reminiscing... won't have the chance. Will be happy with what I can have and not cry over what I can't have. Feel so nostalgic tonight. Thinking about when we were growing up, the stuff we used to do, the places we would go. Simple stuff, hanging out all night with friends, feeling the breeze, breathing the air, watching the moon and stars, listening to music... good times. Was skinny back then. Skinny, blond with big boobs. HA! Never wanted for a date much back then. That's funny. I look at myself now and wonder where did that girl go? What happened to her? Can I find her again? I would like to. Things keep dragging me down. Side-tracking me. I have to concentrate so hard... Life is funny. You know? I'm sure everyone has heard the saying, "If I knew then what I know now..." Funny, I feel like, "If I knew now what I knew then...". Feel like my mind is drifting away from me, little by little. Maybe all the memories will just disappear one day and I won't know who I am. Maybe I'd be better off.
But I like to remember what the ocean smelled like. What the orange blossoms smelled like. I want to remember that lone palm tree standing out there in the middle of the salt flats surrounded by nothing but sawgrass and dark, brackish water, the sun going down in your eyes, as you drive down Highway 50 toward the beach. Florida was beautiful when I was growing up there. It's not so beautiful now. In fact, to me it's ugly now. The orange groves are gone, the salt flats are mostly gone, the rivers are all silted up or else built up around so you can't see them. The horse farms are gone, the pastures are all covered by houses and strip malls. Progress, eh?
Feel kinda sad tonight. Should be happy, but I'm not. Not really. Life is hard. Love is hard. Sometimes it makes no sense. To me anyway. I remember that I was always a trusting, loving, affectionate person. I loved being around people. I loved pleasing people, making people happy. Then I figured out that people lie. People don't really love you even tho they say they do. People aren't really your friends, they just say they are and then they turn around and hurt you. Just to see you cry. Just because it makes them feel big, superior...
Nazareth - Love Hurts
And it makes me think about all the people I've hurt in my time. Unintentionally, or otherwise. Hurt through just not being there for them. Hurt by doing or saying something utterly selfish and self-centered that brought totally unintended results. It makes me feel shitty. I hate knowing that I've hurt others, but it's happened. I will pay for it. Have already paid for some of the things I've said and done. Will pay more, I'm sure.
This is for you, Bill, where ever you may be, what ever you may be doing... I'm sorry.
Bob Seger - You'll Accompany Me
Monday, March 24, 2008
Don't Wanna Be My Friend No More...
...I wanna be somebody else
Pink - Don't Let Me Get Me
So... I guess we will be going to Florida this coming weekend. Spend a couple of days with Tina and Martie and all the kids. Martie and her girls are coming to stay at Tina's with us. I hope she leaves butthead at home. 20 some odd years ain't made me like him any better. And I've tried. God knows I've tried. Just something about the man makes it hard for me to even look at him. Of course, knowing that he's beat my sister up; let her go hungry, homeless, un-loved all these years doesn't help. I know it was her choice. Her choice, her right. Still hurts. Why are men such dickheads? Pardon my language. Her choice, her right. My choice, my right. Right? Who's to say which of us is worse off and which better?
Truth to tell, I was looking forward to going to TN and nursing my uncle Charles after his surgery. Just to get out of this god-damned house. Just to be myself for a little while. I hate it here sometimes. It would have been nice to be somewhere else for a while. Somewhere no one really knows me; where no one has any expectations of me... But I guess that's off now. His surgery got pushed back and now his old flame (drunk arsed ho) is coming to take care of him when he does have the surgery. More power to her. Hope she ain't looking for a big payout cause he's done gone and lost all his money. Poor man is broke now and where are all his good-time, party buddies now? Moved on to someone else who can afford to pay their tab. Well, well... ain't we just a holier-than-thou bitch tonight? Yep. I'll even say, "I told you so." So there.
I feel so small, so wadded up and crumpled. I feel all dingy, and drab, dusty. I wanna go somewhere else, do something different, be someone else. Be the person I was before I cared what other people (he) thought of me. Not even sure I remember who that person was. I know she liked herself much better than I like me. I just want to be clean again. Free and clean.
Bob Seger - Till It Shines
So... I guess we will be going to Florida this coming weekend. Spend a couple of days with Tina and Martie and all the kids. Martie and her girls are coming to stay at Tina's with us. I hope she leaves butthead at home. 20 some odd years ain't made me like him any better. And I've tried. God knows I've tried. Just something about the man makes it hard for me to even look at him. Of course, knowing that he's beat my sister up; let her go hungry, homeless, un-loved all these years doesn't help. I know it was her choice. Her choice, her right. Still hurts. Why are men such dickheads? Pardon my language. Her choice, her right. My choice, my right. Right? Who's to say which of us is worse off and which better?
Truth to tell, I was looking forward to going to TN and nursing my uncle Charles after his surgery. Just to get out of this god-damned house. Just to be myself for a little while. I hate it here sometimes. It would have been nice to be somewhere else for a while. Somewhere no one really knows me; where no one has any expectations of me... But I guess that's off now. His surgery got pushed back and now his old flame (drunk arsed ho) is coming to take care of him when he does have the surgery. More power to her. Hope she ain't looking for a big payout cause he's done gone and lost all his money. Poor man is broke now and where are all his good-time, party buddies now? Moved on to someone else who can afford to pay their tab. Well, well... ain't we just a holier-than-thou bitch tonight? Yep. I'll even say, "I told you so." So there.
I feel so small, so wadded up and crumpled. I feel all dingy, and drab, dusty. I wanna go somewhere else, do something different, be someone else. Be the person I was before I cared what other people (he) thought of me. Not even sure I remember who that person was. I know she liked herself much better than I like me. I just want to be clean again. Free and clean.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
My Life - The Musical
A bundle of flaws held together by chains of doubt
I know what I am. I am nothing if not flawed. I know I am not a good person. I'm not a "kiddie" person. I am a mother, an aunt, a step-grandmother, but I don't exactly like children. Especially other's people's children. I especially don't like it when other people insist that I pay attention to their child. Every frickin' time I encounter them. If that makes me a bad person, so be it. I already knew that about myself.
I also don't want to push myself in where I am not wanted. And I feel decidedly unwanted at my favorite place to hang out. So... I'll cry for a little while and I'll "lurk" there for a little while, then I'll get over it. I know I am a difficult person to get along with. I am inpatient, selfish, doubtful, stupid a lot of the time, scared, scarred, imperfect. A lot of the time I can't stand myself, why should I expect any one else to like me any better than I do? Oh well, "expect the worst and all surprises will be good ones..." Sucks, tho. I'd like to be able to expect good things every once in a while and see them come to fruition. Sadly, I am an imperfect vessel, unable to live up to other's expectations. Well, imperfect vessels have rights and feeling too. I have just as much right to my feelings as the next person. Flawed as I am, I even have the right to get upset when someone continually shoves her kid down my throat non-stop at my favorite place. Well... so be it. Get over it, move on. finio.
I also don't want to push myself in where I am not wanted. And I feel decidedly unwanted at my favorite place to hang out. So... I'll cry for a little while and I'll "lurk" there for a little while, then I'll get over it. I know I am a difficult person to get along with. I am inpatient, selfish, doubtful, stupid a lot of the time, scared, scarred, imperfect. A lot of the time I can't stand myself, why should I expect any one else to like me any better than I do? Oh well, "expect the worst and all surprises will be good ones..." Sucks, tho. I'd like to be able to expect good things every once in a while and see them come to fruition. Sadly, I am an imperfect vessel, unable to live up to other's expectations. Well, imperfect vessels have rights and feeling too. I have just as much right to my feelings as the next person. Flawed as I am, I even have the right to get upset when someone continually shoves her kid down my throat non-stop at my favorite place. Well... so be it. Get over it, move on. finio.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
And Sometimes I'm Just A Bitch
My head hurts, my legs hurt, my sugar won't go down... I want food that tastes good. Food that I didn't have to cook myself. I hate this crap! I hate feeling bad. It makes me cranky and bitchy. I don't even want to be around myself, I can't imagine I'm very good company for any one else. I feel real snarky and snarly. I feel real uncomfortable and like I'm maybe looking for someone to be rude to. I'm not that person. I don't like hurting other people's feelings. I'm non-confrontational in the extreme, but there it is... sometimes I'm just a bitch.
In other news, I called and got an appointment with Dr. Hogue for Tuesday, the 11th. I hope he will adjust my meds or something. I don't, don't, don't want to have to give myself shots of insulin, but I talked to my sister-in-law about it yesterday. She said there wasn't anything to it. She had to do insulin a couple of years ago before she went in for surgery, when they couldn't get her sugar down below 200. She said you can't even feel the shot. But still... the thought of it gives me the creeps. I can't stand the thought of it. I don't know if I could do that. Stick a needle in my stomach, I mean. I can't stand needles. I never watch when I have to get a shot or get blood work or anything like that. Okay, so I'm a sissy. Well... I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam...
Was watching VH1 Classics the other night and they were showing a composite of Marvin Gaye live performances. Wow! I always liked him, but dang! Sometimes you can forget after an artist has been gone for a while, what a wonderful career they had. He had such a marvelous voice. Like an angel, when it suited him to sound like one. And other times he could sound like a down and dirty soul man... no telling what wonders he could have performed if he hadn't been killed. Boggles the mind, really.
So... nothing really happening today. Just waiting around for Pete to get home from work and wondering what I'm gonna fix for supper. Everything just tastes the same anymore. Doesn't seem to matter what spices I use, what ethnic style I cook in, it's all the same. Food is not enjoyable to me at the present time. I can't stand eating on a schedule. Counting all the carbs, sugars, calories, etc. Having diabetes sure takes all the fun out of it. Sucks, sucks, sucks... and I feel a little 2 year old temper tantrum coming on. I want to jump up and down and stomp my feet and throw things. I want someone to come and kiss the booboo and make it all better and it ain't gonna happen and I hate knowing that. I hate knowing that this is how I'm going to be for the rest of my life. It ain't ever going away.
Okay, that's enough self-pity for one day. I'm gonna quit now. See you guys later.
In other news, I called and got an appointment with Dr. Hogue for Tuesday, the 11th. I hope he will adjust my meds or something. I don't, don't, don't want to have to give myself shots of insulin, but I talked to my sister-in-law about it yesterday. She said there wasn't anything to it. She had to do insulin a couple of years ago before she went in for surgery, when they couldn't get her sugar down below 200. She said you can't even feel the shot. But still... the thought of it gives me the creeps. I can't stand the thought of it. I don't know if I could do that. Stick a needle in my stomach, I mean. I can't stand needles. I never watch when I have to get a shot or get blood work or anything like that. Okay, so I'm a sissy. Well... I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam...
Was watching VH1 Classics the other night and they were showing a composite of Marvin Gaye live performances. Wow! I always liked him, but dang! Sometimes you can forget after an artist has been gone for a while, what a wonderful career they had. He had such a marvelous voice. Like an angel, when it suited him to sound like one. And other times he could sound like a down and dirty soul man... no telling what wonders he could have performed if he hadn't been killed. Boggles the mind, really.
So... nothing really happening today. Just waiting around for Pete to get home from work and wondering what I'm gonna fix for supper. Everything just tastes the same anymore. Doesn't seem to matter what spices I use, what ethnic style I cook in, it's all the same. Food is not enjoyable to me at the present time. I can't stand eating on a schedule. Counting all the carbs, sugars, calories, etc. Having diabetes sure takes all the fun out of it. Sucks, sucks, sucks... and I feel a little 2 year old temper tantrum coming on. I want to jump up and down and stomp my feet and throw things. I want someone to come and kiss the booboo and make it all better and it ain't gonna happen and I hate knowing that. I hate knowing that this is how I'm going to be for the rest of my life. It ain't ever going away.
Okay, that's enough self-pity for one day. I'm gonna quit now. See you guys later.
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